What did the drunk homeless man get for his birthday? Liver cancer.

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What did the Jewish man say to the banana? Nothing, because he has common sense

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What's got 2 thumbs and a massive penis? A body parts collector I know called Harold Fortescue

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Why do They call a horse a horse? Because They speak English.

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What did Billy get his dad for Father's day? Nothing, his dad was killed by a spinning helicopter blade when Billy was 3.

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Wanna hear a joke? (Yeah, sure) So do I, got any?

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Q: What's green and goes round and round and round? A: A baby on a blender

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-I thought the lesson had started? -It has

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Yo mama's so fat she threw a rock at the ground and missed.

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Why did the man eat the turnip greens? Because he was morbidly obese, and needed to maintain a proper diet.

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Why didn't the cat eat its dinner? Because I nailed its head to the floor.

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How do you get rid of black elephants? Arrest it for being black.

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That akward moment when you tell a person you like them and they don't respond.

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Q: what is green and looks like grass. A: fake grass

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Taxes are like prostitutes. The higher your salary, the more you pay.

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Why does Michael J. Fox always have his martinis shaken? He thinks they taste better that way.

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Why was little Tommy scared? Because he'd just been abducted by a psychopathic rapist.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't cross it. He was pushed.

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what do you get when you cross a bulldog with a shitshu? a puppy.

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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? When a picnic is postponed due to rain, or hired entertainment becomes unavailable at the last minute due to illness, or a book ends badly having started out well.

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Why did the young boy hit the other young boy? Because the other young boy was bullying his friend and he thought it was time he should stand up for himself and take control of the situation.

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An armadillo walks into a bar, and shouts "I hear you don't serve armadillos." "That is correct," the bartender replies.

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How do you scare a blonde? Paint yourself yellow and call yourself big bird.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops