What time is it when an elephant steps on your watch? Time to go to the hospital and get treated for a shattered wrist.

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What do a turtle and an eagle have in common? They can both fly. Except for the turtle.

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The Americans have just spent millions of dollars working on a pen that works in space. I would of just used a pencil.

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Roses are red, Violates are blue. I have an erection, and its lasted more then three hours

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Why did the blind boy cross the road? Why? The world may never know. He was hit by a bus

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Q: What do you get when you cross Rebecca Black and a day of the week. A: a stupid song called FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A zen master walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The vendor says, "Sorry, we're out of relish." Then the zen master tells him, "Sir, I don't think you get the joke. As you can see by my long silk robes and fu manchu, I am clearly a zen master. And I have used a pun that would make you think I were asking for enlightenment from a hot dog." The vendor then says, "We don't take too kindly to wise guys here." And then the prick gets up and tosses me into the street!

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What do you call a man with a gun in his mouth? Keith.

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What does the Bill in Bill Clinton stand for? Bilious.

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Why couldn't the Egyptian pharaoh solve the Rubik's Cube? He didn't know how.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? He didn't, animal control took the dog away from Helen because she could not properly care for the dog.

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Q: How many burgers did little Johnny eat? A: Involuntary erections.

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A man walks into a pole He breaks his nose And bleeds to death

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what is the difference between a banana and an orange? bread.

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Guy 1: Why does it smell like a wet dog? Guy 2: Because I smell like a wet dog

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Holocaust jokes aren't funny

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Why does Derrek Ashmore act so feminine on his facebook statuses? Because he has a vagina so it is appropriate for him

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Q) What do you get when you cross a brown chicken with a brown cow? A) An abomination

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

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Here's a riddle: What can you catch, but not throw? A really heavy ball, or STDs.

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“It doesn’t take a lot to turn me on” – William Deane

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It is the conjoining of the two possible outcomes of the interstellar and post modern possibilities of the pasta sex god's niece's favorite colour after she falls off her bike whilst riding down a yellow slide after her twenty-seventh birthday when the two suns form a triangle in the night sky over the delta. Yes indeed that was good pudding.

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THAT'S RIGHT, BEST INVISIBLE PAINT I EVER BOUGHT. LOOK WHAT A GREAT JOB IT DID ON THIS PAGE YEAH! I RECKON IT IS THE BEST INVISIBLE PAINT I EVER DIDN'T SEE

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How do you make a plumber cry You kill it's family

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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