A man walked into a bar. Ouch! He tripped over the little step at the entrance. But don't worry, he's not hurt, it just startled him for a second there. They should put a caution sign out front, somebody might get a serious injury. You can never be too safe, after all.

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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What happens when a jewish man, black man, asian and an amish man get on the same plane heading to Chicago? The reach their destinations safely and go their separate ways.

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A group of blondes rent a car and decide to drive to Disney World. Along the highway, they see a sign reading "Disney World left." They exit the highway, turn left, and enjoy their well-deserved vacation from practicing law.

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What's the difference between a convertible and a dead baby? One's in my garage, and one's a car.

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What's worse than having no coffee at the office? Looking out the window on the 100th floor and seeing the cockpit of a Boeing 767.

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Knock Knock I have a door bell It's broken Oh

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What's the difference between a book and a house? Their names

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Why did the italian go to jail? because he had just robbed a bank and then brutally murdered his wife and kids.

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Roses are red Violets are actually the color violet, contrary to popular belief.

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How many bears does it take to screw in a light bulb? None; it’s a fairly menial task requiring little more than a single human hand. Requisitioning any number of bears for the effort would be an extremely dangerous “Rube Goldberg”-esque solution to simple problem.

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What do you call 25 college teens at a party? A good time.

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why was the teenage girl crying? She was molested as a child

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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whats funny? when isreal special forces hunted down nazis after ww2 and killed the fucks

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Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was a serial killer.

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How did little Sally break her Nintendo DS? Her abusive father repeatedly abused her and punished her until she was thrown into a stone wall. As she went into the wall she crushed by another wall and broke the DS.

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where do some birds live in? Earth

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Q: How fast does an F-16 fly? A: Pretty Fast

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A man walks into a bar... OW!!!

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A police officer asks a witness of a murder what he witnessed. The man replies "A murder"

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Why did 3 kids mom's die last year? Because they were depressed and committed suicide.

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Q: How did the Irishman die? A: He was old.

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Dance is a sport

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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