Dont read this joke

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once opon a time. never mind i'm just going to beat you kids.

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? cause it was dead...

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A: Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Why did the white bartender kick out a black man and his Mexican friend out of the bar? It was closing time

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If you die, and have 5 cents in your pocket, does the toast still land jelly side down?

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Q: Why did the Little girl fall off the swing set? A: She was Shot in the face.

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lets bomb africa

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Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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Why did the prostitute begin to cry when she saw the chinese patron's penis? His testicles are diced onions.

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Why did the Jewish population diminish in the '40s? Showers and Ovens

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Knock knock Who's there. Interrupting cow, sorry you can see where this is going, just let me in without asking any more questions please.

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Q: Why did Susie fall off the swing? A: She had no arms Knock Knock Who's there? Not Susie.

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Why did the Asian Kid pass his test? He studied hard.

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what do you call a top thats spining? A spinning top

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because his hands were amputated.

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Did you just admit being considerate? I do not care about who gets the last comment anymore, I need to tear my face away from the screen ASAP.

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The day after Christmas a chain-smoker, a sex addict, and an alcoholic go to the doctor. The doctor tells the three friends that they need to quit their addiction or they will die. R.I.P. Tommy, Jacob, and Winston 1/1/2011

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What junk did she have in her trunk? Mcdonalds because shes fat as hell.

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How many cavemen does it take to change a lightbulb? A caveman wouldn't know what to do with a lightbulb.

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One day, a woman was walking down an alleyway at midnight She reached the end of the alley and realised that it was a dead end, as there was a brick wall, so she turned around and headed on back home.

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roses are dead violets are gross guess what i'm in your closet

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There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

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knock knock whos there? yo mama yo mama who? yo mamas mama!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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