ask me if i am a tree. no.

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Q: What do you call an exact duplicate of Homer Simpson who's been enhanced with numerous special powers and a strength-boosting inducer among other beneficial additions? A: A mobidly overweigth individual who hasn't realized what the phrase, "Go on a diet", even denotes/implies.

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Q: Why did Susan fall off the swings? A: She had no arms Q: Why did no one help her up? A: She had no friends Q: why was she at the play ground? A: Her parents were fighting again Knock Knock Who's there? Not Susan

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Knock knock! Who's there? Girl scouts selling cookies! I'm not legally allowed within 500 yards of you. Please get off my property.

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what did i do after u pinched me? i killed everyone

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What's worse than a terrible joke? A worse joke.

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What is about the size of a sausage, flesh-colored and looks like a penis, if you illuminate it with a flashlight on monday nights? - a penis.

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A black guy and an apple fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? They both hit the ground roughly at the same time, because the acceleration due to gravity is constant.

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What did the ocean say to the other ocean????? What Nothing they just waved ???? Oh Do you sea what I did there ???? No I'm shore you did ???? By Erin

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What's worse then having gum stuck on the bottom of your shoe? Having a stick poked in your eye. What's worse then having a stick poked in your eye? Having a nail go through your foot. What's worse then having a nail go through your foot? Having a stick poked in your eye and a nail going through your foot.

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Q: How do you tell a Jewish person that you love them? A: You tell them "I love you".

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Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory? A: It's hard to say. HR can not discuss the details of her termination, and the blonde signed a non-discloure agreement. She has since relocated to Biloxi with her family and is doing quit well.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Barack Obama, Mother Teresa and Stephen Hawkings had race. Who won? Barack Obama. This deduction can be made as Stephen Hawking is severely disabled by a motor neurone disease known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Henceforth, he has very limited control over the majority of his body and is confined to a electric wheel chair. Thus, he could not participate competitively in the race. Moreover, Mother Teresa is dead. This unfortunate occurrence was caused by several myocardial infarctions in combination with pneumonia. Regardless of this, Mother Teresa's meek and frail build would slower her speed considerably; in comparison to Barack Obama's relatively athletic and robust frame. Nonetheless, President Obama is a smoker. Therefore, he may experience symptoms associated with emphysema during the race, causing him to retire. As such no-one would finish the race, leaving the spectators feeling very disappointed and empty.

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Three men are walking on a beach when they find a lamp. They rub it, and a genie comes out. It tells them that they each get one wish, and to choose wisely. They each decide to discuss what to wish for with their wives. Their wives take them to a local hospital, where they receive treatment for hallucinations.

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Q. How do you make your neighbor mad? A. Run his kids over.

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I got 99 problems but the ability to count ain't one

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Why was the white man's baby black? The mother was black.

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chinga tue madre Ryan

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How do you drown a blonde. I recommend that you do not drown a blonde because it is a felony. You could face 30-35 years in prison.

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Why was six afraid of seven? 7 is greater than 6. Didn't you learn about number lines in 3rd grade?

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What's Blue And Fat? A Brick. I like to lie a lot.

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What do you call a Fat man? You call him by His name because that's the polite thing to do.

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Why did Chuck Norris fall of the cliff? Because he was pushed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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