What's the quickest way to a man's heart? A knife.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What did Han Solo say to Chewy before they got in the Millennium Falcon? Chewy, get in the ship.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Q: Whats black and green and goes 100 mph? A: A black and white car going 100 mph.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Whats worse than getting raped by jack the ripper? Getting fingered by captain hook.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

there is a black guy and a mexican in a car whos driving? a cop

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Roses are red, Sometimes they're white. Or pink. Or yellow. There are roses of many colors.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

TRICERATOPS!

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why was Rodney afraid of Chung Lee? Because Chung Lee is an intimidating person, capable of literally ripping your face off.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why was sally crying? She could hear her parents having sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What's the difference between a ginger and a brick? Bricks get laid

thumb_up thumb_down +40

An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

5 little monkeys jumping on the bed, one fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said, "He has a mild concussion."

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Ever heard of carpel tunnel? Well after that girl it was more like carpal toungal

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What happens when two elephants go out in the rain? They get wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

I went to school. Then I came home.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What do you call a gay man? Homosexual

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Patient: "So what seems to be the problem doc? Doctor: "I'm afraid you have AIDS. I'm sorry."

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What do Richard and Judy have in common? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why wasn't the tractor moving? Because the farmer was killed in a drive-by shooting.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Whats gay and smells like paint? A gay man covered in paint.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Two clarinets were locked in a case for 20 years. They both play well.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

One time i was sitting down

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops