A man dreamt that he was eating a marshmallow. He ate his dog.

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See now, that is because you consider yourself my submissive on a both concious and subconcious level, your body and mind wants me to take care of you. I could say it is because I read minds, but why read minds, when I can create them, why read the future, when you can create it. Finally, lets take a look into the word, nerve endings yes? Not nerve endings baby, its called Suggestion. But seriously though, lets put the word nerve endings on top of the word suggestions again there. Nerve endings, did I mention it works on your butt too? You see, usually you would say no, but you do know that now that I am your master, you do and enjoy as I say? See you baby. Moral: "Feel the grove, I control the way you move"

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Q: If you are debating whether to smoke marijuana, consider: what will your mother say when she finds your corpse? A: As a relatively harmless and non-addictive substance, Marijuana was most likely not the cause of my child’s death. It was probably AIDS.

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how many dead guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? 6

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Why did I lose a card game to a cat? Cause he was a cheetah!

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Matters the size of the bathtub and the size of the babies.

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Yo mamma's so stupid, she couldn't get a high paying job and had to settle for working full time at McDonalds, just to get your family through the week.

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what goes woof ? A dog.

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Q: what did the dog say to the cat? A: nothing dogs can't talk

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Roses are red Violets are blue Everyone on antijoke that steals what I write go to hell My toaster has down syndrom.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 cantaloupe.

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Guess what? I like trains.

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How do you get 100 midgets into a mini? You have to manufacture a mini big enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It won't be street legal, but at least your problem with fitting the midgets in the mini is solved.

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Why was the boy upset? His penis fell off and his mom was making him go to the library.

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Why did the boy fall off the swings? He had no arms.

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Why did the kid lay down? Because his legs were chopped off

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Why did the boy have no ankles? Because his legs were amputated

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Why did the man go to McDonalds? Because he was a pedophile.

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What is worse than stubbing your toe. Being shot

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Barack Obama.

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Sharing means caring, Caring is socialism

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What happens if a girl punches a guy? A white man in prison, convicted of sexual assault.

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Why do cats have eyes? So they can see.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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