Why did Chuck Norris's calendar go from March 31st to April 2nd? There was a misprint

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Roses are red, Violets are blue if something smells bad, its gotta be you! Roses are red this much is true but violets are purple not f***ing blue!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worse than dropping your ice cream? The Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. Except when I said muffins I meant Jews. .. I guess it really isn't that funny anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the man cry... He got hit with a fridge

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why is it funny when dogs talk ? Answer: they don't

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Harry to Voldemort: Your mother is so fat, her patronus is a cake!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, "Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won't be able to kick a football any more." The woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon." The doctor says, "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more." She begins to cry. "Doctor," asks the woman, "how long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, "Six months." "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then, were you?" Doctor: "YES... they had minor breaks and cuts but both have made full recoveries. I'll get them and your fiancé down here straight away." The woman is relieved and is discharged three days later to continue recuperating at home, while the doctor is sent to a tribunal for tricking her into believing her children had been maimed and eventually accepts early retirement with a generous severance package.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

So there is a blind man... and he walks past a fish market and takes a deep breath and says"Oh boy it sure does smell like fish out here".

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Who comes up with terrible jokes and then mentions the name of the person they are talking about like a bitch? Both of us, Dylan.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What would George Washington say if he were alive? "Help! im stuck in a coffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homosexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual pandas just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homosexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why is it bad to have 10 blond girls in a closet at the same time? The closet is a very compacted space and one of them is a claustrophobic.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

LO LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOPLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOO O O O O O O OLO LOL OL O LO LO LO L OL -LOL GUY

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's worse than falling off a horse? Falling off a cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for his birthday? A basketball.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

what is white on top and black on the bottom? society... ha ha

thumb_up thumb_down +19

what did a ginger say to god? nothing gingers dont have souls and therefore cant go to heaven

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the black man shoot the white guy? the white man was about to hurt the black mans family.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the girl get with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the chicken cross the road? For a legitimate reason

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Everything.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops