- Anti Joke

what did the doctor say to the wery fat man? you have diabetes

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the bag.

"stupid creationist" Perfect example of redundance.

You know what makes me sick? Bacteria

Who won in a game of Brawl... Holden

A long time ago there was a kid named John. It was John's first day of first grade. His teacher, Mrs. Jones, gave his class one homework assignment: Write down a word you've never heard before and tell me tomorrow. On the way home from school, John sees some kids playing basketball. The tallest kid shoots and misses and says "Purplefarkle!" When he gets home, John writes it down. The next day at school, Mrs. Jones asks the class to write their words down on the board. She asks John what word he found and he says "Purplefarkle." She slaps him across the face and sends him to Principal Zuckerman's office. When he gets to Principal Zuckerman's office, she asks him, "Why are you here?" John says, "Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write down a word we've never heard before, but when I told her, she slapped me across the face and sent me here!" She says, "Oh my! What word was it?" John says, "Purplefarkle." She looks angry, and slaps him across the face and expels him from school. When John gets home, his mom is surprised to see him back already. She says, "John, what are you doing at home? School isn't over for two more hours!" John says, "Well, Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and I don't know what this word means, I swear!" John's mom said, "I'll call the school, but first, tell me what word it was." John says, "Purplefarkle," and his mom slaps him across the face and says, "Go to your room! Just wait until your father gets home!" John goes to his room and waits for his dad to get home. When he does, he goes up to John's room and says, "John, your mother is hysterical, and she won't tell me what you've done. Could you explain what you've done?" John says, "Well, Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and I still don't know what this word means, I swear!" His dad looks very serious, and asks him, "What was the word, John?" John says, "Purplefarkle." He slaps John and kicks him out of the house. John wanders around in the streets for a few hours, until it gets dark. Soon, a policeman stops him and says, "Son, what are you doing out here all alone, it's the middle of the night, shouldn't you be at home?" John says, "Well, my teacher Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and when my dad got home, he slapped me across the face and kicked me out of my family, and I still don't know what this word means, I swear!" The policeman says to John, "Woah son, this is serious. I'll go talk to your parents about this, but first you have to tell me what the word was. "Purplefarkle." The policeman looks alarmed, grabs John, slaps him across the face, throws him onto the hood of the squad car, handcuffs him, and throws him into the back seat. The next day, John is in court. The judge is surprised to see a six year-old boy standing in front of him. He asks, "Little boy, is this a joke? What are you doing here?" John looks at him and says, "Well, my teacher Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and when my dad got home, he slapped me across the face and kicked me out of my family, and when I told the policeman, he slapped me across the face and arrested me, and I still don't know what this word means, I swear!" Again, the judge was surprised at how much had happened to the boy in just a couple of days. He asked, "Could you tell me what the word was?" John said, "Purplefarkle." The judge leaped over his desk, and slapped John across the face, and sentenced him to 30 years in prison. ... 30 years later, John is finally let out of prison. He is sitting on a park bench, feeding the birds and squirrels, and feeling sad because he has no money, no home, no family, no car, and less than a first grade education. An old woman walks by and says to John, "You look so sad, is something wrong?" John takes a deep breath and says, "Well, my teacher Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and when my dad got home, he slapped me across the face and kicked me out of my family, and when I told the policeman, he slapped me across the face and arrested me, and when I told the judge in court, he slapped me across the face and sentenced me to 30 years in prison, and now I have no money, no home, no family, no car, and less than a first grade education." The old woman says, "How dreadful! Would you tell me the word?" And John says, "Purplefarkle," and immediately cringes. "What," the woman says, "Did you think I was going to slap you? That word was very controversial 30 years ago. I could tell you anything you want about it, but I'm late for my hair appointment. Tell you what, meet me over there at the café across the street in one hour and I'll tell you anything you want to know." For the first time in 30 years, John is happy. He knows he's about to find out what the word that ruined his life means. All he can do is smile while he waits. After one hour, he starts to walk over to the café. While he's crossing the street he is hit by a bus and dies on impact. The moral of the story is: Always look both ways before crossing the street.

What did the Asian dad say to his son when he got an A- in math? Good job son.

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

Why did the horse insult the postage stamp? He didn't. Horses can not speak English nor can anything verbally or physically critique a postage stamp and make it feel any emotional distress.

Man: Would you like to see someone Man 2: Sure Man: How bout the inside of an ambulance

Four blonds are driving to Disney World when they come across a sign that says Disney World left, so they proceed to make a left at the next stop and have a wonderful time in what many people consider the most wonderful place in the world.

Q: how many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: two, one to hold the ladder securely and the other to screw in the lightbulb.

Whats two plus two? Miles

what happened when a duck flew over the hunter during duck hunting season? the hunter shot at the bird, but fortunately, the hunter was nit very good so the duck flew back to his wife and children by the pond.

You know what's worse than having a terrible boss? Being unemployed.

What was the baker a coward? He didn't have the "Bunz" to prove it!

What's black and white and red all over? An embarrassed skunk.

A bar walks into a man and the man walks into a watermelon then the watermelon walks into a black guy then the black guy walks into a piece of fried chicken then the piece of fried chicken walks into a hotdog then the hotdog walks into a wall then the wall walks into a horse then the horse walks into a jar of mayonaise then the jar of mayonaise walks into a can then the can walks into the bar

Lets just say that we are beyond the stage where I am "just" trying, by the way, you might want to search that last comment for double negatives. Or you know NOT NOT. Do not take my word for it, but if I am not wrong, the bacteria (yogurt) leaves afterwards, so you are eating milk that has been eaten and then.. You know... A common "side effect" of hypnosis, is that when it is used, the one hypnotized (both in this case) end up feeling a "strange" case of closeness, stronger bonds, friendship etc, scientists wonder why... ITS LIKE DUH! WE BOTH REVEAL DEEP SECRETS TO EACH OTHER! THINGS WE DO NOT EVEN USUALLY TELL OURSELVES! Its a literal no brainer, scientits can go fuck themselves, because as far as I know, thats the only fuck they ever get.

KNOCK KNOCK WHOSE THERE? AVOCADO AVOCADO WHO AVOCADO COLD THAT'S A RETARD JOKE HAHAHAHAHA GOOD 1

What do a Jew and a homeless man both have in common? They both get nothing for Christmas

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

Did you hear about the pirate movie? It was rated PG-13 for sexual content/nudity, language, and some violence.

Ask me if my names Troy. Is your name troy? No, it's Roy.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops