What's the best way to make people notice you? Begin a cult that follows some crazy religious division and go on mass murdering sprees, looting, murdering, and raping everything that moves. Your prime targets should be schools, orphanages, and hospitals (maternity wards for bonus points). Eventually, walk up to the FBI unarmed and have them capture you. Then demand that you get interviewed, as you have instructed your followers that if you don't get to speak on public television, they will bomb multiple major cities. When they put you on TV, simply stare at the camera and say: "Senpai. The time has finally come for you to notice me." Then, because you are a cruel, heartless bastard with no morals whatsoever, have your men bomb the major cities anyway. Have fun!

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A blonde went to a doctor for a checkup. The blonde couldn't hear the doctor 'cuz she had headphones on so the doctor took them off. A couple of minutes later she died. The doctor was curious so he put the headphones on. It was saying, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."

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One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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Why did the skeleton not go to the party? Because without the aid of various ligaments and muscles that would be attached to the average human being's skeleton, he was not able to move himself so much as an inch.

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Roses are red, Stones are grey, This poem is obvious, You don't say??

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My lady, that is the backside of trust, I have decided to trust you, how am I supposed to feel about the fact that I believe to the point where I know that you mean everything you are saying? And that if you had any interest in backstabbing me, I would be risking my life, wife and friends. Do you not get trust? If you keep thinking like that, tomorrow you could be suspecting the mailman for being a spy, I can, and could tell you that I will cut ties with my employees, but then I would have you not only to believe me, but to support me financially, I do not need much, in fact, I need you to trust me, and if you do not trust me, what does it matter if I quit? You could accuse me for typing books that alter the mind (all books do), you could accuse me of having killed Nero and taken over... The point is, if you cannot trust me, then I cannot help you with what you ask, and if that is a requirement for our friendship to persist, then you are not looking for a friend, but for a employee.

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What was the last thing that went through the crashing helicopter pilot's head? The propeller.

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why did jimmy stop eating his breakfast two Penn state officials knocked at the door

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In 1843 when Man invented the moon, people set sail on ironclad ships to lands that sold items that weren't for sale in similar such stores in other lands not reachable by ironclad ships or dirigibles as they became known once they changed form completely and were a differentobject entirely and of no use for water transport. That's when the real revolution in telecommunications began, the truck drivers would use CB radios as early as 1287 and 1276 in Canada. the CB radio enabled the users to order pizza and develop symbiotic relationshiops with canvas. Amongst other things.

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A man walks into a bar. Suddenly, he is filled with a strange feeling, as if his life is somehow the subject of a stupid joke. He walks back out of the bar and consults a psychiatrist.

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What's the difference a ham and bugs bunny? -When I see a ham on the dinner table, I eat it. When I see bugs bunny on the dinner table and asks me "what's up, doc?" I stay away from sugar for a while and get tested for heroin

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How do you wake up Lady GaGa you set her alarm clock to a reasonable time

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why does the guy jack off to black on black porn? because he's black

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Roses are blue Violets are unicorns This doesn't make sense Refrigerator

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Roses are Red, uh..uh..ahhhhh oh shit I just came that curse is true

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Knock knock. Who's there? Super Monkey Ball Deluxe. Super Monkey Ball Deluxe who? Oh no.

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What's the difference between a mac and a pc? Well haven't you seen the commercials.

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I like Pi. It can make circles.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because the monkey has a very weak cerrebellum.

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A blonde woman is creating an account for a website when she gets the "enter the following" box. The box says"How are you". She looks down at the bottom seeing the answer and puts"Good!".

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Why did the Muslim kill a gay guy? Because the gay guy was threatening his family with a gun.

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cancer isn't that good for you. so try not to get it

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So um think of two things. Oh wait backspace that. What's the difference between Rebecca Black and your mom? Ok answer. Ok stop no seriously so. Enter. Ok Enter. Q backspace A nope Chuck Testa

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Q: what is an anti-joke? A: Coffee Volvos

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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