Why did peter shake the baby? To kill it and rape its dead corpse

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I used to be able to walk, but then I took an arrow to the knee. It tore my acl and shattered my kneecap.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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“Before I know it, he’s got both of my hands in his viselike grip above my head, and he’s pinning me to the wall using his lips … His other hand grabs my hair and yanks down, bringing my face up, and his lips are on mine … My tongue tentatively strokes his and joins his in a slow, erotic dance … His erection is against my belly.”

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What did the monk say to the 1 legged, Asian prostitute Nothing, Monks take a vow of silence.

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Q: What happens when two planes both crush a tower in New York City? A: Bad news.

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Why did the cop shoot his 4 year old son? Because the little bitch ate his leftovers

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What do you call an Ex-Penn State coach who is anal to young boys? - Strict

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How do you stop a black man from committing a crime? You throw him a basket ball.

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What did the commentor say when he saw the "waht's worse than finding a worm in your apple...the holocaust." joke? I am offended to your cruel referance to worms.

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adam hodgson !

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What did Washington say to California? WC

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What do old people break when they fight? A sweat

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What goes up but never comes down? This dick

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Why did the Chinese Arab buy blue paint? He already had red in his basement.

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whats the difference between an orange and a bicycle? One has handlebars..the other one doesnt.

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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Phew, I was like thinking all like "I am really into this guy, we can like chat like this and stuff too right?"

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Why did David go swimming? Pink sock.

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How do you drown in a tea cup? You find a big enough tea cup.

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Lol, thats funny, sorry for asking, but is your eye doing better? Was their IQ test the same one you get when you enter their site?

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Your mamas so poor she cant even afford to support a family

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A seal walks into a club. The man proceeds to skin it and sell the fur for profit.

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I'm Stephen Hawking, and I'm a PC.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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