Why didn't the man say, "Hello, Morgan Freeman!" when his friend walked by? Because his friend wasn't Morgan Freeman.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Adolf Hitler. Adolf Hitler, who? Be quiet and hand over your Jews!

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Roses are red, Violets are violet

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What do u do if a blonde throws a bomb at u Trigger the bomb and throw it back

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A horse walks into a bar, but is kicked out because animals are not allowed in that bar.

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I milked the cow, but no gas came out.

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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on a scale from a banana to a pound coin - how much do you like the works of antonio vivaldi?

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What's it called when an abusive alcoholic father iguana has trouble connecting with his wayward teenage drug addict son iguana, while at the same time the mother iguana doesn't come home till late hours and constantly calls her daughter iguana a slut? Reptile Dysfunction.

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Q. Why did the Unicorn die A. It got hit by a Bus

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What did the black man say when he noticed his crack was missing? I guess they fixed the sidewalk while I was at work.

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What do you call a black man about to jump off a cliff? Suicidal

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What's worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings! What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust What's worse than the Holocaust? Adelle....

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Why does the party start when Kesha walks in? Well, it's Kesha's party and it would be rude to be in her house having a party when she wasn't there.

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whats fat and ugly ? aidan slattery

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A black man is sitting in front of the bus Then he respectfully gives up his seat to an elder woman

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a black guy, a white guy, and an asian guy walked into a bar. It was an interracial bar, and served men and women of all nationalities.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Oh, they were just nailing a notice of foreclosure to the door.

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Mom: Ask me if you're adopted Boy: Am I adopted? Mom: yes

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How can you tell a baby lost it's voice? It doesn't scream when you staple it to a ceiling fan and turn it on.

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Why didn't Debbie go to the theme park with the rest of her family? Because she died the week before.

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Did you hear the joke about the deaf kid? He didn't either.

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What did the heart surgeon say to the brain surgeon? We are both surgeons

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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