why did the monkey cross the road? it escaped from a local zoo a block away

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Your mom is so fat that she has diabetes

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Why did the blonde commit suicide? Because she hated her life.

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Knock, knock. Who is there? Child services, here to take your children. The following day, there is another knock at the door. Who is there? The police. The woman runs into the kitchen and kills herself.

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How many women does it take to arrange my new Ethan Allen furniture? Just one, I was told it was divorce present. She took it with her.

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Yo mama smells so bad that she has no friends and killed herself.

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What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff? The incident happened to substantiate stereotypes and condone racism.

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. The man leaves in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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What do you call a kid with an eye-patch and a speech impediment? Names.

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Q: Why can you not thumb up your own comment? A: "You've already voted" douche...

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Little Justin's bike has a flat tire has a flat tire. He asks his dad to inflate it. "Sure Justin I can fix that for you." Said his father. But he overinflates the tire, causing the tire to explode and ignite the chemicals. The house burns to the ground, killing Justin and his parents. The fire then spreads and the hole city burns. 50,000 people die.

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What's the difference between a Pimple and a Priest? One waits till you're 13 to "come" on your face.

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Why was the dog crying? Do dogs even cry?

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whats the difference between ebola and a can of dead babies? i have ebola. this isnt funny at all.

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How old is george washington? anyway thats not the point your pregnant

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SCENES WHEN TOM O'SHEA GETS STABBED IN PRISON AFTER STEALING THE WHEELS OFF AN AMBULANCE

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What player wears number 8 and plays for liverpool? Steven Gerrard

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Racial equality.

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What ended my last relationship? Oncoming traffic.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you, but the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl empty and so is your head.

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How does Cee Lo Green order extra ketchup? Can I have some more ketchup, please?

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What's black, white and red all over? A cow after slaughter.

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What's big, black, and girls love to ride on? A horse

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What is the difference between a priest and a nun? Cant you see the nun is dead you insensitive bastard!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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