okay so one time my dog was eating an octopus tail and i was all like...Bro! octopus are our friends dont eat them! then he was all like okay...so later i saw my goldfish eating a blue kangaroo and i was all like bro blue kangaroos are our friends dont eat them and she was all like okay.. so then i saw my sandwich eating itself and i was like bro...let me eat you instead! and it was like okay. then i saw a bear eating you so i was like bro....thats all i said before it ate both of us :( and thats the story of why i have 6 toes on my left buttcheek

why am i a dick head. because my gcse's spelt fudge and i dont like fudge so i project my anger into boss things

how do you start a stamped in mexico roll a nickle down the street sad thing is you just lost a nickle

If humans say YOLO what do cats say? meow.

did you hear the joke about the lobster and the clownfish? no.. oh.

I'll take a Reuben, light sauce, and could you do Provolone instead of Swiss?

What has three eyes, scales, seventeen stomachs, and can produce milk? Nothing. Nature has not yet evolved any animal to these specifications.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

so if you need 20 dollars and you just kicked your cat how old is your mom. cake because you are a 666 member.

Why was the blonde in the bathroom for 2 hours. She had to pee really bad.

Why didn't the gangster cross the road? Because he J-walked and was hit by a car.

Knock knock? Who's there? Cancer Cancer who? After some time and various bouts of radiation and chemotherapy, he finally lost his life to the terrible disease.

Roses are red Violets are blue Tulips are white Daisies are yellow Why am I naming flower colours?

PSP... Is a cat... you can throw against the wall.

roses are red violets are red everything is red who set my house on fire

Why did they call the woman crazy? because she drowned her children in a lake.

What's similar about a mole and an eagle? They both are blind and dig through the ground. Except the eagle.

Why did the skeleton stay home from the party He was buried in a coffin underground and, as a matter of fact, wasn't actually invited

Q: Why did the little boy who just got over a terrible sore throat fall down the stairs? A: His legs were brutally torn off by wolves.

whats blue and can fly? a red robin i lied about being blue By RT so u believe me

Why does Santa Claus drink so much hot Cocoa? Because Mrs. Claus got tired of his constant drunkenness and won't allow beer in the house in the house anymore.

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How does santa deliver presents? He doesn't, because he's not real!

When my brother was hanging at YOUR cross, he asked "daddy" "Oh father why!" Then lightning struck and the weather went to fuck. Moral: WHAT KIND OF RESPONSE IS THAT YOU PIECE OF SHIT!?