I tell the Doctor I'm having pains in my chest. He says that sounds serious and admits me immediately to the hospital.

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My dog has no dictionary. How does he spell terrible?

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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What's the difference between a Corvette and a sack of dead babies? I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

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there's a blonde and a brunette jumping out of a plane, what one hits the ground first? they both hit at the same time because gravity pulls everything down towards the earth at the same pace

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A straight A star quarterback in his senior year of high school was about to throw the game winning pass in his season's last game and complete the school's undefeated record when he was sacked by a defender. He fell incorrectly and broke both of his legs, rendering all of his scholarships invalid. He hasn't walked since.

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How many times has Belle Ahern been hit in the mutt 76. Stupid slut

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I have suicidal thoughts

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If you're having Kony problems, I feel bad for you son. He's stolen 99 kids and your posters saved none.

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Why didn't Rebecca Black take the bus? Because she would have had a heart attack with all of the seat choices.

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What lumpy and pointy? A horny woman with breast cancer

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What is funnier than 24? 25! hahahahahaha!

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? Someone threw a fridge at him.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Charcoal is black So is my neighbor

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Why did Mary fall off the swing. She had no arms Knock knock Whis there Not Mary.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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why did the man die? he was shot

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Beans, beans good for the heart, the more you eat the more likely you are to grow into a healthy young man/woman with low risk of heart disease.

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Why is it unpleasant to eat a meal with lots of basketball players? Because they will be focussing entirely on discussing tactics (especially if there is an upcoming game), and therefore will probably not be displaying good manners or making polite mealtime conversation.

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What is the difference between a girl and a woman? Age

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What does the funeral director say at a jewish funeral? Ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes...

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where does someone with one leg work? -no where this is a recession

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere. - Blake Woodman

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Most poems rhyme, Show me your ti ts.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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