mom:why oh why are you such an idiotic nuisance? bobby:THATS HOW YOU WANTED ME BORN!!REMEMBER?you asked the doctor to put something in me to make me so stupid i wouldnt remember WHO gave birth to me!!

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Why did the cow cross the road? It was escorted by its owner to get to the slaughter-house.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

What did the rapist say before the little girl got in the van? Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +53

what did the cat say to the monkey meow then he got hit by a car

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Whats worse than getting punched in the balls? Getting punched in the balls twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

What's funnier than the Holocaust? The Holocaust is not an idea of the slightest humor at all. Millions of innocent civilians were slaughtered, millions more were sent to brutal concentration camps where they would fight for a crumb of food on the ground and get terribly punished for it, and live their whole lives in pain, torture, and starvation, millions more were sent to concentration camps then murdered, and millions of people, including children were left without family or anywhere to live. On top of that, their whole lives they were mistreated for their differences, and never got to live up to their dreams because of this horrifying event. It left the world in shock for years after, and scars of the event still live on in present-day families whose ancestors were harmed in the Holocaust. The terrible memory of it will never leave this Earth.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Old guitars sound like cat's guts

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they are all dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

It was a dark and stormy night. The whole family waiting for the phone to ring as they await for a criminal to give instructions. Then the phone rings... RING RING Jeffery: "Hello? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. No sir please don't! No, have mercy! Yes sir. No sir, no. Yes sir. Bye." Donald: "What did the man say?" Jeffery: "Wrong number..."

thumb_up thumb_down +41

So an irishmen, jewish, and asain walk into the bar...and the bartender said get out..

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why is the fat man fat? Because he has an extremly bad metabolism which makes him gain two pounds from eating one cheeseburger

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What's the difference between a Jew and a Generator? One powers your house...and then there's the generator.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why did the boy get hit by the bus? He didn't check both sides before crossing

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Think of a number between 2 and 10? 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286 208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128481 11745028410270193852110555964462294895493038

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A Russian gentleman walks into a bar and requests a vodka which the bartender promptly supplies. Shortly thereafter a Turkish gentleman enters escorting a Llama on a leash and requests a vodka to which the bartender responds: "Your animal is not allowed on the premise, I am going to have to ask you to leave." The Turkish gentleman apologizes for his ignorance of the local customs and excuses himself, and shortly thereafter the Russian finishes his Vodka, pays, and leaves as well.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

So, a bulldozer rolls into a bar, there is no bar now.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did the old man fall off his bicycle? Because somebody threw a fridge at him.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

what do Jewish people and pizzas have in common? they enjoy parties

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Stephen Hawking wheels into the Center for Theoretical Cosmology.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A priest and rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender was incredibly biased towards religion and had the rabbi removed.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why does mexico not have an Olympic team? They do

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What do you call a black guy who kills people? A murderer.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

a horse nibbled a baby

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops