*Pretend your an orphan] Knock knock Who's there? Not your parents.

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A gentleman walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get for you?" The gentleman replys that he would like a beer. After the bartender fulfils the gentleman's order, the gentleman drinks his beer and enjoys it.

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"I see," said the blind man to the deaf man.

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If you posten bout Kony I feel bad for you son. Cause ive snached 99 children and you pst saved none jesse

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What's spongy and smells of treacle? Treacle sponge

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What did the girl get with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Cancer.

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How does a person put an elephant in a closet? First they have to open the door, then put the elephant in and close the door. That was easy well how does a person put a giraffe in. You probably said open the door and put the giraffe in and close the door. Well you missed a step first you have to take the elephant out then you can put in the giraffe. Well both animals are to big to fit in a closet so you can't put them in and also the person who put the animals in is schizophrenic and the animals are fake so if you believed that you could fit them in there you might be delusional.

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Two twins are born only a minute apart. There is a mistake at the hospital and they are seperated. Years later they reconnect on Oprah and realize they do not have much in common.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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A black guy and a white guy both get pulled over by a cop for speeding. The white guy is promptly released with a stern warning, whle the black guy is thouroughly questioned and has his car searched for drugs, with the probable cause being that the black guy has bloodshot eyes, reeks of weed and has a bong in his frontseat.

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A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Well, there is no way to accurately estimate this number being that 1.woodchucks in fact do not chuck wood and 2. there is no time frame given for said action to take place

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guess what? i dont know, what? i dont know either, i thought you knew.

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what did the egg say to the boiling water? itll take a while to get hard cause i just got laid by a chick.

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I dont hate you Lets just say if you were on fire and i had water id drink it

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Your mother is so heavy that she decided to try out nutrisystem

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You know what isn't funny? Getting punched in the face. You know what is funny? Brittany Spears getting punched in the face.

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A woman walks into a bar. Since having equal rights, she too falls unconcious..... Several men walk toward the bar

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What color is red paint? Red

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Some people are like Slinkies: they don't work as well as they say they will and you'll get bored of them quickly.

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what does a gay horse eat heeyyyyy

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What's the difference between a Lamborghini and 10 dead babies? I don't keep a Lamborghini I'm my garage

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so there was two ducks in a bathtub. one duck says to the other duck, "hey, can you pass me the soap? the other duck says no.

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Wanna hear a funny joke? Sure. Me too, do you have any?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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