How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Doctor: I bring grave news. Your wife is dying. She won't survive for another 100 years. Concerned and anguished Husband: Oh... that's ok! Doctor: Oh did I say years? I meant days! Oh the mirth! *The doctor breaks down into hysterical laughter, which the Concerned and Anguished Husband is furious to see, as the Doctor is taking delight out of such a grave situation.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man knocks on a wooden door. A woman says who is it?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How did the 8 year old child die? He was raped at the age of 7 and given the STD of AIDS. His clock then started as his family cried about his final days of his life.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

3 men are walking down a dirt path. One is a retired member of the US Air Force. The other of the Marines. The last one of the Navy. They are arguing about why their respective section of the military is the best. They lose track of where they're going and fall off of a cliff onto the spinning propeller of a US Coast Guard helicopter.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's worse than the holocaust? The sun exploding.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I told a joke to my friends. They laughed.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Yo mama so fat, that she's even bigger than the universe!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: Why wouldn't the other kids play with Timmy at recess? A: Because he was a burn victim and had no face.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is White on Top and Black on bottom? Micheal Jackson.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did tarzan say when he saw the elephants? Here come the elephants

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the chicken attempt to cross the road? To see if it could.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I pooped.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What happened when the black man was pushed off the cliff? His bones shattered upon impact and he died almost instantly

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Could switching to Geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How many chickens does it take for a cow to count on Tuesday? The same reason a horse got fired for seven plus one blue red green.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a black guy driving a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Yo mama has had so many kidney stones she has to be on a water diet.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? There aren't pineapples in the ocean.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

why did the little boy drop his icecream? he was hit by a train

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A blonde walks into a bar. She is rushed to the hospital and treated for a broken nose and a busted lip. She now has a deformed nose.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what do you call 10 dead babys lunch

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Say this fast: Alpha kenny body sofa king hard with mike hawk. :)

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops