what are the three types of rings? -wedding ring -engagement ring -suffering

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Question: What did Mr. Reeves say. Answer: Nothing

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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Whats big red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? I don't know it really depends on the car, usually about 2 in the front, 3 in the back and... That's about it

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There's two homosexuals having sex in the back of a van...........they're over 21 what's wrong with that!

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What do you call it when the sh*t hits the fan? The sh*t hits the fan.

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Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Lunch.

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Roses are red Violets are astronaut This joke didn't make sense I'll kill u with a rake

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Q: What do you call a Muslim controlling a plane? A: A pilot.

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Neither does he.

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Two cannibals were eating a man, one at the top and one at the bottom. The cannibal at the top said, "are you having fun down there?" The cannibal at the bottom said, "yeah, I'm having a ball!"

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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Why didnt Santa give the little Girl her Pony? Santas not real.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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How did the fat woman survive the car accident? She had on her seat belt.

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Why is a building called a building when it's already been built? My pinky is pink and my liver helps me live.

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Why couldn't little Johnny play sports like the rest of the kids? He was diagnosed with polio at the age of 3 and has limited use of his legs.

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Where did the watch-dog take the blind man on Saturday afternoon? Wherever the blind man wanted to go

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool The tragic drowning of a quadrapalegic

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Sac

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What did the ginger say to the blond? Hello, what is your name?

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I didn't choose the thug life... I got a job.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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