A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. His family is struggling financially and his children are severely malnourished. If he wasn't an alcoholic, he could afford healthcare for his family and move into a better neighborhood. But he's not, so they will die a long, painful death.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How do you kill a Jew? The same way you kill any person. It could be gunshot, strangulation, hanging, poison etc. They are the same as every other human being, so you would kill them just like any other human being.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A woman was talking to Ghandi. "Oh wait" He says "I can't, My kids are home"

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What is the difference between a blond and a red-head? They have different hair colors.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What is worse than finding a worm in ur apple Idk I am asking u

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why does Ron Weasley have friends? He does't. He's a ginger.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

why didnt Joe drive the tractor today? Because Joe doesnt have any arms or legs. Why doesnt Joe have any arms or legs? A) Because Joe is a potatoe

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How do u kill a mocking bird ? Stab it

thumb_up thumb_down -19

so theres this big moose, and it walks into a convenience store and asks the lady bitch "where are the potatoes?" and she says "ehh, down aisle 5" so he goes down isle five, and there aint no potatoes

thumb_up thumb_down -19

This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How did the black man get put in jail? He didn't, he never did anything illegal

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Robin get in the Batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What do you call a dozen Muslims waiting to board a train? Passengers...you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

this sentence will end in the way you expected.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Roses are Red Toilets are Blue Get out of Me way I Need to POO!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How many Asians did it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1 Asians are just like every one else

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What do you get when you cross Sir Elton John with a sabertooth tiger. I don't know but you better keep it away from your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What does Snoop dog wash his clothes with Bleach

thumb_up thumb_down -21

yo mama's so fat, she wears a big belt

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What do you call a pencil that's been broken in half? 2 pencils

thumb_up thumb_down -21

How can you tell if a woman is a man? If she has a penis

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Q: why'd the monkey fall out of the tree A: because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down -21

whats fluffy and pink? -pink fluff whats blue and fluffy? -pink fluff holding its breath.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

what did the man say to his boss? Hello boss

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops