If there's something strange in you neighbourhood, who you gonna call? my mate Jonno who has a gun.

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What do you call a black man with no arms? Trustworthy.

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If Johnny has 4 dollars and Clarissa has 7 dollars, how many dollars do they have all together? 11 dollars Knock knock Who's There? Johnny Johnny who? Johnny and Clarrisa, all together we have 11 dollars.

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Oh, go away

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why does david stutter during meetings. because he smiles till his cheeks hurt

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What did the talking muffin say to the other talking muffin? Ah! A talking muffin!

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what do you call the quadriplegic man who went water skiing? Skip

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Isn't a coincidence that the signing of the Declaration of Independence and the 4th of July are on the same day? Weird

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Roses are red violets are blue. I'm falling in love with you.

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Roses are flowers.

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Chuck Norris walks up to a baby and punches it in the face He walks away and laughs

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What happened to the teenager who was raped and murdered? Who knows? They never found the body.

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I once saw a small Italian man wearing trainers with a smart suit. He looked like an idiot, but I considered the option that he may not have had any money left after buying the suit to buy shoes. Exercising diplomacy, I left him be and enjoyed a nice meal with he and his trainers.

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Why can cats jump so high? Cats leg muscles are different then ours. They work kind of like springs that build up energy and then release suddenly. Its kind of like a budgie cord. This gives them the ability to jump so high. If humans were built the same way, they could easily jump up on a one-story roof.

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A man walks into the doctor's office and says "Doc my leg really hurts when I poke it like this." The doctor replies, "Yes, that is a knife."

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Why did Susie fall off the monkey bars? She had no arms.

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blond are all stuck on an island 100 miles away from the nearest civilization with no resources. After 2 weeks, they decide that no one is going to save them and they have to swim for it. The brunette swims 25 miles and then gets eaten by sharks. The redhead swims 75 miles and then drowns. The blond swims 99 miles but got tired, so she swam back.

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Why did the dinosaurs become extinct? Because they wanted to.

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What's worse than falling in the mud whilst wearing a suit? Burying your parents.

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I was going to type an anti-joke but I totally forgot how it starts. It goes something like something something something something something your mom's a whore.

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What's more fun than nailing a baby to a wall? Pulling it off.

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josh- your a strange boy. liam- yes. due to by up bringing i have been exposed to unusual situations that most people do not encounter therefore affecting how i behave. Secondly the definition of normal is varying from person to person making being normal to every human being difficult to even the most capable of people. Essentialy Josh i care little for you comment. *josh was a black man who died of cancer 6 weeks after this incodent*

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Joey and Jack walked into a bar, and their friend Satan asked if they heard about Jesus, and they said No.

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What did the french toast say to the french fry? I don't know, I don't speak french.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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