A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you make a little boy cry? Cut off his legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you get a blonde's attention? Throw deodorant at her until she looks.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

there once was a man named china who got stuck in yo mamas vagina he escaped through her butthole minus her butt mole and then died a horrible and painful death

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What would you do if your penis disintegrated? Never mate again.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do u get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q.what semtemce is a most used lie by a fourteen year old? A. Yes i agree to the terms of service, and am above the age eighteen.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Because the tractor hadn't seen the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you find your way out of the impossible maze? You don't.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was the man upset? Both sides of his pillow were warm.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did Fred fall off the bike? He was a shoe.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Fight fire with with fire! That would be impossible, it'd just make the fire bigger. And probably kill you.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Rose's are red, violet's are blue. Rose's die and viloets are more purple.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are white, Violets are white, holy shit i can see the light.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man came home from work and said to his wife im going to kill u

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what do you get with a bulldog and a shi-tzhu 2 dogs.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What is red and smells like brown feces? Bloody feces

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A blonde, brunette, and redhead live in the same neighborhood. They are Desperate Housewives

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock, Knock... Whose there? No one... you have no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a fly without wings? A walk

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's black, smoking, and sitting at the top of the stairs? Steven Hawking after a house fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Yo mama's so fat she got baptized in Sea World.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the most interesting man in the world refuse to eat his buttered toast? It just so happens that the cook accidentally used stale bread, causing it to taste unsatisfactory.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops