Why did the old man throw the clock out the window? Because he didn't want to go to a store that could repair it, so then he thought that it was better off on his yard where it could compost.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Knock knock Who’s there? The police, your family was killed in a horrific car crash on highway 22 this morning at 10:15 after they collided head on with a truck. They died instantly if it is any conciliation. We will contact you further into our investigation. Dave then poured himself a whiskey and thought about all the good times he and his family shared, teaching Jessica to ride a bike, his and Kate’s honeymoon in Honolulu, playing catch with Jacob. That’s when the full extremity of the situation hit Dave causing him to break into tears he sat and cried for three hours and fifteen minutes. Once he had gotten that out of his system he decided to visit his mother and tell her the horrible news. Knock Knock Who’s there? Dave Dave who? Again Dave breaks into tears as his grandmothers althsiemers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember her sons name. Feeling shattered he decides not to go through the process of explaining who he is and decides to head to the local pub to drown his sorrows. Bartender: hard day? Dave: my wife and two beautiful children were mauled in a head on collision with a truck and my mother can’t remember who I am. Bartender: yeah sure but was it a hard day? Dumbstruck with this ridiculous remark Dave pauses for a moment. The bar is silent only the sounds of bottles clinking and feet tapping on bar stools can be heard. Cigarette smoke hangs in the air. Dave stares at the bartender momentarily then throws his bottle at him send him off balance Dave then grabs the shot gun he knows the bartender keeps behind the counter and shoots the bartender at point blank range. Some customers run scared witless other try to control Dave but only end up in the same position as the bartender. Dave is left standing in a pool of blood. The smell of death hangs in the air with the cigarette smoke. Feeling slightly better Dave heads home and kills himself. Dave was an excellent plumber we will miss him.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Whats Brown, Long and is on every black man? Legs

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's worse than the holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: What do you call a black man with no arms and no legs? A: Whatever his first name is.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's so similar about a zombie and a black man? They are both almost human.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How do you put your babysitter in jail? Kill your kid on her shift.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did Billy Mays eat for breakfast? nothing, he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

roses are red violets are blue I lost my dog to typhoid it was an unfortunate case of bed luck

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A ham sandwich walks into a bar, bartender says "We don't serve food here."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why was the black man pulled over on his way to KFC? Because he ran a red light.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Once upon a time there was a boy who was 16 and a girl who was 14. The guy is in year 10 and the girls is in year 9 . Alot of people think he is a pedofile. Comment your opinion.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Knock knock. Who's there? You. You who? That's the joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A white man/women works behing the counter at a 7/11

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why are asians bad drivers? Driving schools in asia are severely less developed and therefore produce less experienced and skillful drivers. They also have asian eyes (:

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What is pink and stuffy? Pink stuff

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you kill a turtle? You can't, it has a shell for a reason.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Ask me about my wiener. How's your wiener? I don't have a wiener, I'm a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Knock Knock Who's there? The electrician, I'm here to fix your door bell.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Kid: Mom I'm gonna dig a hole all the way to China! Mom: That's sweet but it's impossible dear. You'll get to tired after awhile to go any farther. Also, by any chance you did dig really deep, you would melt and die if you got the the center because the magma will kill you when you get to it. Alright son? Kid: What?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

why do you park in the driveway and drive on the park way

thumb_up thumb_down -3

what happened to the girl that didn't forward the threatening chain text to ten people? nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops