What do lazy asses get for Christmas? Fat

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Why did the car break down? Because breakfast was done.

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Q: What did the floor say to the Christmas tree? A: Your balls are hanging.

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A musician without any music walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Who do you think you are, a hobbit?" The musician without any music says,"yeah" and turns into a hobbit

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what did the black guy get from churches chicken? fried chicken.

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why did the mexican work for a lawn care service I don't know why don't you ask him

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What rude names do you call a girl with no limbs? Anything you want they can't touch you

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Where did Adolf go as a vacation after the war? Hell

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Why is a bird when it flies? Because the higher it goes the much.

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why is walmart so big? Years ago a man named Sam Walton had a vision for one stop shopping and affordable low prices. And it goes without saying that being a one stop shop must mean you have a lot of inventory thus the size of walmart is a lot larger to hold and support the increased mass of inventory that a typical person should or could ever possibly need all in one place.

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On September 11th 2001, A worker of North twin tower man woke up to find his dog had chewed on his brand new phone. He went down stairs and realized his kitchen window had been broken. Getting ready to leave for work and saw his radio had been stolen out of his car. After finally making it to work and settling down in his office he spilled coffee on his lap. Enraged, the man yelled, "How could today get any worse!?"

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What's black and hangs from trees in my backyard? Nothing. Blackberries grow on bushes and I do not condone hate crimes.

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why am I a hobo? because I lost my job.

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Why didn't the busy San Francisco business man hear his alarm clock ring this morning? A nuclear bomb blast occurred 700 meters from his front door. The estimated blast radius was approximately 100 square miles. Naturally, his alarm clock didn't make it.

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I knew a little girl once. She was ate before she was seven.

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I had a chocolate chip cookie today, thats it, just a chocolate chip cookie.

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Why did the ground beef taste funny? Because little Timmy fell in the grinder.

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What is the difference between an Australian and an Ethiopian? One is from Australia the other is from Ethiopa

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Knock knock who's there atch watch who? bless you

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What the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

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how do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? it doesn't matter. she can't climb up a tree with only one arm.

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What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam...

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Instructions to make origami. 1.) Staple bagels to face 2.) Ask someone else to do it. 3.) Hang yourself because you are too stupid to figure it out yourself

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Why do aliens listen to relaxing music while they have sex? They like to cum in peace. \m/

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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