The Americans have just spent millions of dollars working on a pen that works in space. I would of just used a pencil.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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There is a hawk and a squirrel sitting in a tree. a farmer walks by with a strange package so the hawk turns to the squirrel and says nothing because he is an animal and incapable of speech, he then eats the squirrel because he is a bird of prey.

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Why did Susie drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

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Why couldn't the turtle swim? Because he went too close to an oil spill, the petroleum got into his mouth and coated his lungs and he is now dead.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in your BANANA.

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What did Rebecka black say on Thursday? Today is thursday.

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench? The bench isnt going anywhere.

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What do Selena and Justin, Kate and William, and Barack and Michelle all have in common? Nothing.

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Emily Scarpello...Fat Couch

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Q: What's red and bad for your teeth A: A brick

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Women, "Did just pinch my ass!?" Man, "Yes." Women, "Oh, alright then."

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You know whats funny? Women's rights

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I did it. the Bulls fan Took a few hours on Microsoft word. then I copy and pasted it on this!

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what did i get my mom for her birthday? Nothing im selfish

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Q. why did the girl fall off the swing? A. Because she had no arms.

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What did the mother of the boy with cancer say on his birthday? - Happy Birthday, too bad you still have cancer.

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Yo mama so fat when she goes to the gym, she makes her trainer skinnier.

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What did the fat man say to the other far man Hey your fat

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What's worse than aids? Being a virgin.

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Whats worse then a worm in your apple This joke

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A mother and her child run into the store... The mother opens the door, so the child does not run into the store again.

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What's the difference between Jam and Jelly? You can't Jelly your dick into your girlfriend's ass.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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