What do you call a fat man that breaks into your house at 2 a.m. and steals your money and your television? Probably a dumbass, a jackass, a moron, an idiot, or something in that general area.

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Why can't monkeys and kuala bears get along? Because they are two entirely different species that cannot communicate with each other...

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Doctor, doctor, i feel like a pair of curtains. Well I'm going to refer you to a mental institute and forward this meeting to a specialist due to the schizophrenic attitude and belief you have. However, I will have to ask you to come back in tomorrow or later today for further tests as to why you feel this way. This is highly abnormal and should be fixed immediately. Another further concerns please contact me asap.

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A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

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How did the man escape the giant scorpion? He didn't he watched as his family died and waited for his demise crying in the corner of the scorpion's layer

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Knock knock... Home invasion

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Jesus saves, passes to Moses who shoots and scores!!!

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what did one wall say to the other wall Nothing because its physically impossible for walls to talk

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A: What do you call a female bombing the white house? Q: A terrorist

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What do you call justin bieber haveing sex with a lady? A dream

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What is stupid and looks like you? You.

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Why couldn'nt Sally swing on the swing? Because Sally was a carrot

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He is outside, running for it, Erron, seriously who is We? I thought you where an author.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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What does a dog in a microwave look like? You tell me, I normally close my eyes when I masturbate ?_?

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You in love with me? Like platonic? Fine, we will move operations elsewhere, you really got to tell me who you are working for someday.

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How do you stop the neighbors from calling the police when you play your music too loud? Kill them and use their bodies as noise insulation

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Do not lose hope, you have always considered me hard to get, while this time, I came to you. Next time too, I kinda owe you.

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What do you call a black man that can steal, shoot, and jump? A basketball player.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a child's swimming pool? 9 (Trust me, you won't be able to squeeze the tenth one in there.)

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Q: What do you call a black person living in the United States? A: An African American.

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How did the black man survive the Train crash? He didnt, he died liked everyone else

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Knock knock Whos there Your Ma Your Ma who Your ma's in jail!!!

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why didn't bob die? because he liked his hair just the way it was.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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