whatdumb and gay stewart price

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Q: Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Getting mauled by a pack of hungry wolves

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense? You watch a suspenseful TV program and pause at the right moment.

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Why couldn't the cat drink his milk? Because his ears were stapled to the floor.

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what do you get a man with no arms or legs for his birthday? a quick, painless death.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

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In Soviet Russia, people commonly suffered under the might of the communist juggernaut. It was unpleasant.

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Why did mallisa get to go to the bar instead of jeremy... jeremy has prostate cancer and he needs to be examined every 2 1/2 minuites plus he's 7 years old.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor Wheres my tractor?

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Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability

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What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jew? One comes back from camp.

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why did the bear cross the road? to get cream cheese.

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A stoner walks into a bar. A few minutes later he is asked to leave by the bartender because he is disruptive and uncoordinated. The stoner leaves because conflict is not in his nature.

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What does it mean when people say your mom? it means that there name is Hunter

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, ask the chicken.

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What did Michelle Obama get for Christmas? Cancer

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What did the big pickle say to the little pickle? "I'm black."

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what's longer than my shlong? .... nothing

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So I was flirting with a girl at a bar the other day when this huge black guy walks up and says "Hey honey". I realized that I still had some un-addressed prejudices in me as he shook my hand, pointed out that it was a mistake anyone could make, and introduced me to a girl he had met at the college he works at.

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Why did the old man go to the retirement home? The 75 year old man had a 45 year career in pluming and he thought it was a good time to retire after saving enough money to be happy and he could spend the rest of his life with his wife. The retirement home was also not that far away from his grandchildren so he liked the location and the home was also very clean and the workers seemed very nice. But this was just a visit to see if he liked it, he may live there soon.

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Why couldn't Jimmy run in the track race? Because he has been paralyzed since he was 3, due to a horrible accident

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Pete and Repeat are sitting on a bridge, Pete fell off and Repeat still hasn't been able to forgive himself for pressuring Pete to join him on such a perilous perch.

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I accidentally solicited a prostitute today. I was driving in an iffy neighborhood and saw a woman on the sidewalk, so I stopped to ask if she could give me directions. She must have misheard me.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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