What do a Siamese cat and a birch tree have in common? Both exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I make it rain on them hoes, By which I mean I masterbate from my third story patio

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Roses are red Violets are purple. I just realized that nothing rhymes with "Purple".

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you call a person with no legs and an eyepatch? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the cow cross the road? -Because it lives in India and is allowed to.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

why is the earth mad at the moon? cause the moon mooned the earth

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Whatever his name happens to be.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why are tests such a pain in the ass? Because your vomiting shit you'd learned the night before.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why was the girl crying when she got home? She got raped and mugged on the walk home

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? I don't eat pizza

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What would an ice hockey player do if the ice melted? Walk off, as the ice is only 3/4 of an inch thick.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: How do you make a baby cry? A: Throw a brick at it.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Your mom is so ugly she often finds it difficult attracting members of the other sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How did Billy tip the cow? He didn't, cows are animals and that would be wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the man laugh as he sat in the electric chair? He was being tickled by the guard.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

why did the little girl eat grapes? because she felt like it.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

"Whats that boy? Timmy fell down the well??" Bout time

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the blond fail her math test? Because she got all the questions wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

If you send someone fudge, you should write them a poem with it Roses are red Violets are blue Fudge is brown Here's some fudge!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the chicken cross the road? An obsession with what motivates a chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: what is socialism? A: a terrible system

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the american block the road? Because he just ate at Mc donalds.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops