What do black people and tables have in common? Nothing.

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How do you get a one-armed clown out of a tree? Hit it in the face with an axe.

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I? Everett

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Yo mamma's so fat she attracts other matter with a force proportional to the product of their masses divided by the square of the distance.

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

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A duck walks into a convenience store and asks for a tube of chapstick.He says "Put it on my tab".

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when nothing goes right go left because if you go straight you will fall off the cliff

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This is an anti-joke. It is not funny because "anti" means the opposite of something.

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why couldnt the jew play basketball? He was handicapp

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what is sticky and brown a black guys stick

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Why did the little girl only walk half way across the street She fell into a man hole and died

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...and the rabbit says, "How 'bout that schnitzel!"

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What did the boy eat for dinner? Shit.

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A man walks into the office for an appointment. The doctor performs the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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Who let the dogs out? The dog's owner.

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How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None...they can cook in the dark.

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Your Mom was so fat he made herself Liposuction Twice

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His wife and children had just been struck by a moving vehicle traveling at approximately 45 miles per hour trying to cross the same road. He ran across the road to comfort his dying wife and two children as they took their final breaths. The chicken was also not really a chicken but a middle-aged man who had recently been laid off his job and diagnosed wiuth an incureable disease.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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What do you get when you cross a dog with a cat? Nothing, it is impossible to mix 2 different animals

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Why did the Mexican sneak across the US border? There aren't many good jobs for him in Mexico, and with the cost of living in his small village, he will be able to provide for his entire family of seven on just minimum wage in California. He will miss his family terribly while he is away from them, but he believes it is worth it in the end. Once he saves enough, he will pay the coyotes to smuggle the rest of his family over so they can be together again. Hopefully none of them will die on the journey.

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Knock Knock whose there your parents your parents who your parents just got malled by a hobo with an axe.

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whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? Pizza is not human, Jewish people are.

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What did one muffin say to the other Muffin? Nothing, muffins have no method of communication in any way shape or form

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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