What do you call a man whos had his arms ripped off in front of you? An ambulance, because with an injury such as this, you can die anywhere between 10 and 45 minutes

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you do when a black person steals your computer Inform the authorities, as theft is a felony.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

roses are red,violets,are green who tf shit in the toilet?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

ok everybody to make this more simple we all have to line up alphabetically by height.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Who are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A man walks into a bar a browning automatic rifle, it accidentally fires hitting the main artery in his neck and he promptly bleeds to death.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Knock Knock there's a doorbell

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Little Susie fell of the swings. Where did she go? On the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the boy run a marathon? because one of his good friends had just earlier passed away from pancreatic cancer and he decided to honor his memory by raising money through a 5k run. His family, friends and acquantances were all very proud of him and decided to hold the charity every year.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the boy miss the toilet when he was peeing? Cause he was in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How many stripes are there on a policeman's socks? None, policemen must wear regulation plain black socks.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at him genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red And heres something new Violets are violet They're not friggin blue

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man is traveling to the nearest grocery store. He stops at an intersection and notices a another car beside him. It was a black corvet. So he blew it up and the men inside of it as well. He then proceeded to call the cops as to try to cover the explosion up as if it was not his fault. Unfortunately, the police had video evidence of the incident through video surveillance and the man was arrested for life. He never got a second chance in life and eventually died a slow, painful death in the hands of cancer at the age of 91.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What happened to tommy for his birthday ? A new pear of shoes to put on. Tommy feet just got amputated. But it's okay... Tommy got a new comb. Tommy just got cancer. But it's okay tommy got a new pet dog... Tommy is abused by the dog I know what your thinking a dog can't abuse someone it was a cat

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "why the long face" The bartender then sees the horse's broken leg and proceeds to buy him a free drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the difference between a man and a woman? The latter has two additional letters added to the beginning.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Joesph Triphook.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What'd the mexican get for his birthday, birthday cards from his friends and family.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's green and shitty? A bootleg stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what did the girl say after her boyfriend proposed? she said no because they've still got a lot of stuff to deal with before they even consider getting married and he seriously needs to get a job and dump his other girlfriend.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

roses are red violets are blue if you and your sister were hanging from a cliff i'd save your sister

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? dinner

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops