So a girl says "I want to be a banana when I grow up". She's set unrealistic goals and her parents fear she may be autistic.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because, it realized that it was worth something in life, it had a meaning, a purpose, and a right to freedom, to go where it pleased. The chicken's first act of this freedom was to go across the street.

Q: What do you call a innocent black man that was shot 403 times by the cops when they asked for his ID and somehow assumed he was gonna reach for a gun? A: Deceased Texan.

I went to the local RSPCA office today....it's tiny, you couldnt swing a cat in it.

So there is the standard english class with groups of different people. You got the nerds, lads, violent ones etc. Now the kids are doing a standard pop quiz. The nerd is next to the violent kid. The violent kid asks the teacher if he can go to the toilet. Everyone is nervous as it was based from last year's work which they haven't studied for. He then stabs the nerd in the neck multiple times and finishes his test.

This is not a joke, I'm just bored (or am I?)

What's the most confusing day in Mexico? Father's Day.

Male orgasm (haha bitches we've been faking it)

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks him "why the long face?" "All horses have long faces" he replied.

What did the cat say to the dog? Miaow. What did the dog say to the cat? Miaow.

Q: Why did the black man drown? A: Because he couldn't swim.

What did the black guy do in the hood? walked down the street, bought the paper and watched Letterman.

Why did the elephant cross the road? To run away from the angry chicken who was mad that he was slacking off work.

What do you call a black guy that flies a plane? a pilot.

What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

Q-Why did the little boy feel hot? A-Because he faceplanted into a bonfire.

How can you finally get your girlfriend to scream in the bedroom? Store the bodies there.

What did the bank clerk say to the robber when he demanded all the money in the drawer? "Okay."

That awkward moment when a sentence doesn't end the way you thought it gay unicorn

How do you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg? You can't take pictures with wooden legs.

What's the difference between a bowling ball and a sorority girl? You could always eat the bowling ball if you really had to.

What do you call an animal killed on the side of the road? A false accusation towards an inanimate object that has no other purpose then providing a safe and smooth ride for drives all around the world.

I got stopped for speeding the other day. The policeman said I had to pay a £50 fine. I was gutted. However, later that night I had amazing sex with my wife, which helped me to take my mind off things a bit.

Why did Sally fall off the swings? She has no arms. Knock knock Whose there? Not Sally, she has no arms

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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