Hey how is your wife and my kids

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What did the kid in the wheelchair get for Christmas? AIDS.

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What do you call a half-Latino, half-Asian baby? The product of a healthy interracial couple.

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What does a spider Pig do? Nothing. They dont exist.

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What separates man from animal? Divorce.

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What's worse than finding a hair in lasagna? An earthworm crawling into your ear and feeding on your intestines.

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How do you keep an elephant from charging? Ask nicely.

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What happens when you rub two penises together? Gay sex.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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Why don't women drive more? Because statistically the man offers to drive more frequently

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why did the girl miss her date? She got killed.

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what did the cat say to the potato? meow

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, i know where you live now I'm coming for you

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Justin beiber comment if u get it

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What did the rugby post say to the tree? Good evening George!

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

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What's the worst subject in school? None of them. You need school to get by in life. Get over it.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Smell mop. Smell mop who? (smell my poo)

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knock knock who's there? faith

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Knock Knock Who is there? Orange Orange who? Orange-Banana

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Q: what did Don Draper do after he saw an attractive woman at the ABC store? A: went home and thought about her while drinking his scotch.

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Why is bobsledding the coolest sport? Because this is my subjective opinion.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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