What did one cat say to the other cat? Nothing.

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How do you kill a dumb blonde? Stab them in the chest 43 times.

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roses are red violets are blue wanna hear a joke? WNBA....

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quantum physics?

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What do call the time things don't go the way you plan them? Reality. bitch

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs going down a mountain? A: As good as dead.

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A Duck, a Mexican guy and Helen Keller walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What do each of you want?" The duck doesn't respond because is is a duck. The Mexican guy doesn't respond because he doesn't know English that well. Helen Keller does't respond because she is dead.

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Three muffins are walking next to each other in the dessert. The muffin on the right says "Hey now it's my turn to walk in the middle!"

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because its rayseans favorite number

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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What do you call a guy who stabs cereal? A cereal killer.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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A man went skydiving and tragically died.

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A Blonde Goes On "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"

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Why did Doris need a hip replacement Because she fell down the stairs

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whats worse than 9/11? not much haaaa

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Howmany licks does it take till you get to the tootsie roll center of tootsie pop? Well, The answer is not constant. There are many variables that need to be taken into account. Though the ph level of human saliva is a neutral seven it can vary about 2 tenths of a point from person to person. This is a factor that needs to be considered along with the size of the tongue, roughness of the tongue, and at what speed the licking is taking place at. After taking all these variables into consideration, the average number of licks it would take untill the chocolate center of a tootsie pop is approximately, 3 .

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-What do you call a dog with no legs? -Call it whatever you want, it's not coming!

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? Cancer what did he get the next year? Nothing he didn't make it that long.

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What did the fat girl mean when she said, " last night was amaziing?" that pizza pie you shared was very well crafted and baked

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What do Chinese kids have that African kids dont? Chinese citizenship and at least one Chinese parent.

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Wayne Rooney's face and intelligence.

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how did the farmer die? his dog shot him

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How many inches of snow are there when the fireplace burns for 10 minutes? Red chickens

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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