Please don't shoot me

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What has two legs, but can't walk? Half a dog.

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What's the difference between a horse and a chicken? They're different species and also the chicken is female, while the horse I was referring to is male.

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long face?'. The horse does not answer as it cannot speak or even understand english. It was later destroyed by the government.

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ah-ah. the proper response to an anti joke.

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What did Jesus say when he made the first black person? What another perfect creation to this world!

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Why did little Bobby put a firecracker in the dog's ass? Don't worry he used lube.

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A deer looks at the ground and sees something strange. He wonders what it could be. A rabbit comes along and thinks the same. A badger promptly arrives after the rabbit and thinks the exact same. 4 seconds later they all get hit by a train.

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:)I will always assist you in whatever you ever want. :(I want to kill you!

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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pudding

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Why did the CEO step down? Because he was very ill and could no longer meet his duties and expectations as Pear’s CEO.

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In Soviet Russia, there was a movement to be renamed into the Russian Federation, which passed on December 25, 1991.

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Why was the kindergartener crying in the corner? His family was poor and his father abused him.

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how do you make an idiot laugh? tell him a joke from antijoke

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What animal was two legs and bleeds a lot? half a dog

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Why did the black man buy a watermelon..... so he can eat it.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? It's dependent on many factors, like the size of the babies and the tub. It would be a horrific endeavor, and you should probably stop thinking about such things.

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What's worse than having to watch your dad rape your mom? Having to watch your mom rape your dad.

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What's the difference between Asians and buckets? I don't use Asians to scoop water out of the lake.

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Knock knock! *no answer* KNOCK KNOCK! *still no answer* the person who was knocking finds a note sticked on the door and it says: i will be away for 2 weeks

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Why couldn't the child go to the park? He was a registered sex offender.

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What did the mother say to her son? I have Leukemia.

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your so vein that doctors find you really helpful when giving you injections

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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