Why did the chicken cross the road? His wife and children had just been struck by a moving vehicle traveling at approximately 45 miles per hour trying to cross the same road. He ran across the road to comfort his dying wife and two children as they took their final breaths. The chicken was also not really a chicken but a middle-aged man who had recently been laid off his job and diagnosed wiuth an incureable disease.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? She won't have a pulse.

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Top 10 Signs You Might Be Lonely and in Need of a Friend 10. Your closest friend has a skull tattooed on his knuckles and goes by the nickname bruiser. 9. You are becoming a little too fond of chess and pocket protectors. 8. You parents complain that your friends are a "Pack of wild chickens"-and it's not a figure of speech. 7. You follow your mailman around in hopes of a good conversation. 6. A cop pulls you over for speeding, and you add him to your Chistmas card list. 5. Your equation for a snappy party = TV remote + bean dip. 4. You forward e-mail jokes to yourself regularly. 3. You six best friends are Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, and Rachel. 2. You've named all of your roaches. 1. Phone solicitors hang up on you!

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Did you hear about the guy that lost the whole left side of his body? Well, he's all right.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Actually, violets are violet

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What's red, white and blue? You're mother on her period after she had sex. I don't know where the blue came from.

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What is worse than being killed in a car crash? Having your girlfriend in the car with you.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bar tender says" why the long face". The horse, unable to comprehend English just shits on the floor and leaves

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What's the difference between a Jew and a bar of soap? You don't rub your balls with a Jew.

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What do you call an earthquake on Mars? There is not enough water on planet Mars for something like that to happen.

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What happened to the Asian who ran into the wall with a boner? He ejaculated his sperm, impregnating the wall. The wall went to the authorities, and the man was charged with rape. He is now serving a 10 year prison sentence, with no possibility of parole.

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Yo mamma's so fat, she's self-concsious about her weight and is embarassed when people make fun of her weight which makes her escape to her only friend, food, which makes her even fatter, so she will never lose weight until society accepts her and is not so prejudice towards overweight people.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was hit by a fridge.

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What musical band do you get if you keep shouting while in the mountain? The rolling stones. What do you get if you keep shouting in a snow covered mountain top? Blizzard Entertainment.

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What do you call a cat up a tree in a party hat? A cat up a tree with a party hat

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My neighour knocked on my door at 2.30am last night, can u believe it? 2.30am? How rude I thought. Luckily I was still up, playing drums.

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roses are red violets are green id love to flick owen cliffords mams bean

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Person 1: I'm really sleepy. Person 2: Then go to sleep.

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What's slow and spotted? A cheetah, I lied about the slow part

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a clown, and clowns are scary.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We've just had sex, Now you have aids too....

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why cant the porcupine marry the balloon? ...neither one can talk.. obviously.

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Q: How do you make Osama Bin Ladin happy? A: Take him out to a nice seafood dinner free of charge.

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How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops