Q: Whats pointy and sharp and rhymes with life? A: A spear. It's close enough.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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Id like to apologize for the one below (near the end yeah at the very end yeah that near you fuck!) When I said I give candy to etc etc I did mean I do not give candy to... Well... Nothing male, and I do not apologize, thank you. Shortie: Me as a Sociopath vs Sociopath with faster gunplay: So A Sociopath moved into my neighborhood, he arrived at my place and said hey you? You the sociopa... "BOOM" Moral: Shoot first, listen later... And if you hear something keep shooting... Anyway that was not the Sociopath but I got him eventually.

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What's 8 foot tall and can't breathe? Ryan Eisenhour

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, your parents are dead they never loved you! I found this one on facebook and i just found this site and all yall got some good jokes LOL

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What happened when Chuck Norris jumped into the pool? He then got water on him, and later had to dry off.

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There are 2 women at a bus stop. One of them has a swollen belly. The pregnant woman says to the other one, "I'm expecting a baby." The other woman responds, "That's too bad. I'm expecting a bus, at least that'll help me."

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What is the way to a man's heart? Through his stomach. With a knife. Then then go up a little.

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Q: Whats 5+5 A:10

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roses are red violets are blue i bribed a hobo to eat my poopoo

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Q: Have you ever seen Ray Charles wife? A: Nethier has he.

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Hey i just met you, and this is crazy, i have amnesia, i'm Skepta

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What's worse than seeing your grandfather dead on the floor? Seeing your grandmother standing over him with a knife

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What do black people and asians have in common? arms

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An Asian walks into a bar and says, "1???????????"

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We've just had sex, Now you have aids too....

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Jesse gives his mom the stick for breakfast

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What did the one Brick say to the other Brick? We have the same name.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender asks "Why the long face?" The horse says nothing because its a horse. It then poops on the floor and leaves

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what did hitler say when the allies invaded germany i did NAZI that coming

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why cant women draw perfect circles? no one can becouse it is virtually impossible

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was jewish and saw a nickel on the other side

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A black and a white walk into a bar, d.r. King would be proud.

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What's Hitler's favorite beverage? Soda! Not Juice (jews) you asshat!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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