A horse walks into a butcher shop and asks for two apple pies. The butcher says "sorry, but we don't have apple pies. It's a butcher shop." And the horse says "nevermind, I came here on my bike."

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Q: Why did the kid drop his icecream cone? A: Because he couldn't hold it he lost his arms in a car accident.

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kill yourself....with a cigarette

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have you seen the movie, Constipated? Never mind, it hasn't come out yet.

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You are so ugly that when you were born the doctor didn't say anything to your mother because he has social manners.

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What's the difference between Barney the dinosaur and Santa? Barney Loves you.

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dickdickvdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick

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What did the guy day to the other guy with an afro on his head? You look like a guy with an afro on his head.

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There was 3 guys. A mexican, a black guy, and a jew. They work at a construction site and one day they found what appears to be a magic lamp. The mexican guy rubs the lamp hoping for a genie to appear and grant them wishes. Sure enough a genie appears. "I have been freed from the magic lamp." Says the genie "I shall grant one wish and one wish only to whoever rubbed the magic lamp." The mexican guy did not understand english. The jew steals the lamp and the black guy stabs him. The next day a blonde goes to the crime scene. He spot the magic lamp on the floor, picks it up, and rubs it. The genie appears. "I have been freed from the lamp. I shall grant one wish and one wish only to whoever rubbed the magic lamp." The blonde says "I wish Jose could speak ad understand english." Suddenly, the mexican appears and says "Thank you."

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"Almost as accidental as your spelling I'm afraid." -...

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What do you call a dog that acts like a cat, likes to pretend he's human, and whose name is "Moose"? A dog. His personality traits have no effect on the changing of his species.

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Why did little Bobby put a firecracker in the dog's ass? Don't worry he used lube.

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What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline. Banana soup, Gorilla poop

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What do you get when you put your dick in a potato? A guy who is into creepy sex

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cancer

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What is green and drives around in the desert and is not a tank? secretly a tank

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why does the gay guy like anal-sex? because he's gay.

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What did Timmy's mom think of his art project? Nothing, she screamed and called an ambulance because she saw that he had tripped and fallin onto a pair of scissors and they just so happened to peirce his heart.

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person 1: hey! guess what? person 2: what? person 1: i once saw a brown polar bear

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what's an advantage of breaking every bone in your body? nothing, you're screwed.

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Why did the Squirrel swim across the river upside down? To keep its nuts dry.

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How to you confuse an Alzheimer's patient? Present her with a complicated nuclear physics problem.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because it wanted ti get to to other side. why did the medic cross the road? beacause there was a seriously injured chiken on the side of the road, it had been hit by a fat man on a jog

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A bald man walks out a bar crying Prostate cancer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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