Every time a bell rings an angel gets it's wings. What they don't tell you is every time a mouse trap snaps an angel gets set on fire.

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What did the fat man eat for breakfast? Nothing, he died of heart failure in the night.

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A man walks into a bar and then, after a relatively short period of time, walks out of the bar.

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osama is obame quincadence or aluminatti????

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Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they smell bad.

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A blonde walks into a bar. She got free drinks.

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What did Jamie get for Christmas? Nothing. Jamie is not friends with Christmas.

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A Muslim and 2 French people walked into a bar They start to have a nice conversation about Charlie Hebdo

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How many candles did Johnny blow out on his birthday cake? The same number of candles which corresponds to his age.

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Friend: how obsessed are you with harry potter on a scale from 1-10 Me: 9 and 3/4

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What did one planet say to the other? Nothing. Space is a vacuum in which sound cannot propagate due to the absence of a matter or particle medium.

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Why was the cat meowing at the chicken? Because Sally got hit by a fridge.

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on a planet, in a galaxy, far far away... you have cancer

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A brachiosaurus walks into a cafe "Excuse me I'm an herbivore, can I have a full English breakfast, but with veggie sausages instead of normal sausages, and mushrooms instead of bacon?" Shop keeper: "No you can't. Your too big. You've destroyed my kitchen, and my livelihood. I have nothing left. You've accidently reduced my business to rubble by walking through the door"

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When life gives you Pure Filtered Water, Sweeteners (High Fructose Corn Syrup, Sugar), Lemon Juice from Concentrate, Less Than 0.5% of Each: Natural Flavors, Citric Acid (Provides Tartness), Modified Cornstarch, Glycerol Ester of Wood Rosin, Sodium Hexametaphosphate and Sodium Benzoate and Potassium Sorbate and Edta (to Protect Taste), Red 40 Make Lemonade.

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In other news, a Florida man was arrested today for stealing candy...with a knife.

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Why did the clown fall off the unicycle? Because I shot him in the face.

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What do you call a lion eating a gazelle? the food chain.

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What do you get if you put a baby in a blender? An Erection

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Whats the difference between black people and white people? They're both people.

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What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep? ProtestS from Anti GM activists.

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Q: What did the two muffins say in the oven? A: OMG we are in an oven, "OMG a talking muffin"

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What is the sound of one hand clapping? I don't know you have a hand try it yourself lazy prick.

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Excuse me. Oh, would you mind hitting the 15th floor button for me? Thanks.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops