knock knock who's there? Ah Maj. Ah Maj who? (say it outloud)

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what would george washington do if he was alive today? he would scream and scratch his coffiin

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a tire iron? I've never forcibly expelled three tire irons from my vagina.

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Roses are red Violets are blue You're daughter has terminal cancer.

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How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? A wood chuck could chuck as much wood as a wood chuck would if a wood chuck could chuck wood.

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Q: Why do people post the same anti-joke a bajillion times in a row? A: Because they are stupid ass holes with absolutely no life.

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You're American when you enter the the bathroom and you're American when you exit the bathroom. What are you while you're inside the bathroom? Using the bathroom.

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What is the difference between a shark and a human? A shark is a type of fish with a full cartilaginous skeleton and a highly streamlined body and a human is the only living species in the Homo genus.

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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Yo mama is so short, she has trouble reaching the top shelf.

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A frog and a toad eat a pie and then realize it is weird and then die.

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Q. How many alzhimers patients dose it take to screw in a light bulb? A. To get to the other side

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Colloqiual irregularities are a significant part of the English language, and excellent example of this is between can and may.

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Why did the clown go to jail? He murdered a thirteen-year-old girl.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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What do you do if you work in subway? we make the subs put meat on it then put salad on then cut it then wrap it other duites involved but cba to exsplain

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A: What is faster than a speeding bullet? B: Light

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What do you call a Black Man in the ocean? A scuba diver

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I am colorblind I hate my life

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was standing next to you.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Evicted.

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Roses are black violets are black We are all black?! SHIT IM COLOUR BLIND

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What did the one battery say to the other? Nothing. Batteries can't talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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