What did the dinosaur say to the centipede? Its funny cause the dinosaur is big and the centipede is small. Also dinosaurs can't even talk!

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If you know someone with the last name Schmidt. ALWAYS ask him to take a Schmidt on your chest

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guest who else is a ugly bitch my mom

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What's black and white and red all over? A racially integrated society.

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A penguin is walking through the snow, and comes across a polar bear with a hat on. He stops and stares at the polar bear for a second and then compliments the polar bear on his hat. The polar bear smiles and promptly consumes the penguin, building up a fat layer for the coming Winter.

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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Q: There was a train wreck in the middle of nowhere, every one died, no one saw the train wreck, so how did the story about the wreck get out? A:Many philosophers believe that the universe is a figment of its own imagination. Therefore, if "the universe" decided that it wanted the story to get out, it could have just made it so since it is its own imagination.

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What's more irritating than a half eaten apple? Some prick taking up half the page with shitty copy and past routine.

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Whats funnier than 24. ... DEEZ NUTS.

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Why does Joel get so many numbers from girls? Because he asks for them nicely.

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Q: How did the man walk across the road? A: With his own 2 feet!

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What do you call a dog without a bone? Floppy.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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His name is Frosted Mike, and he neither has nor does not have a penis.

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A: What do you call a female bombing the white house? Q: A terrorist

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A: Why did the chicken cross the road? B: Why? A: To get to your house. A: Knock-knock B: Whose there? A: The chicken!

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Q: What did the horse say to the other horse? A: Nothing, Horses are incapable of making verbal communication therefore they cant speak to each other.

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A black man and a Mexican are in the back of a car, who's driving? Their father Micheal, he adopted both of them from a mentally handicapped orphanage when they were five.

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Why can't the toucann fly anymore? Because they're extinct

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What's short and weak and has no life..........a Jordan pederson!

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10 years later...... a baby is born in Japan and has 26 toes due to radiation

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Why did the dish run away from the spoon? None of them ran neither one has legs

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What do you do when your girlfriend is bleeding? She is probably on her period.

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What's a Mexican's favourite sport? Cross-country running.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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