Knock knock, Who's there? The constable. Your husband was killed in a car crash.

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hows your wife she died 7 years ago really mine too

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was a loaf of bread.

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"Do you like pie?" "No." "Do you like blueberries?" "No." "I have something you won't like." "Is it a blueberry pie?" "No, I shagged your wife last night".

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why should you not shake a baby? because if it dies it wouldnt know that its parents hate them.

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Why is there a black president? Cause you voted for him. Thanks! Dick.

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why did the man break his arm? he didn't, someone else broke it for him

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What do you call 1 black guy and 9 other white guys? Patrick Mills

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A Jewish person had a robber in their house. Who broke in? Adolf Hitler

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What's more epic than a man in a gorilla suit? A man in a gorilla suit with a banana.

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Why did nobody answer when billy knocked on the door? Billy was a loaf of bread.

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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Why didn't Rosa Parks get her fat black ass up? Because she was an avid partier and had anal with roughly 8 different guys the night before.

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How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? She didn't use enough sunscreen.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wanted tobe cool, But I look like you

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It works on whoever I have an emotional attachment with, for example people might be thinking you and I write in the exact same style, but I am actually copying your way of typing (spelling, word composition etc) this because we relate on a deep emotional level with people that like "get us" because they can act and behave like us. This again doubles the effect of the hypnosis, since when I get "super high on trance" and you feel that way, well, we both reach into the same wavelength, literally. Scientists and hypnotists supposedly have no idea as to why this happens, but I know, it is because our brain patterns are so similar, that even though we are at a long distance, your body believes itself to be an extension of mine and the other way around. How do I know this? Yogurt.

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How do you get someone to paid attention to etys You don't, there is no such thing as retys

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How do you get a elephant in a fridge? You open the fridge and put it in. How do you get a Rhino in a fridge? You take the elephant out and then put the rhino in. All the animals in the animal kingdom are at a meeting, what animal isn't there? The rhino, his in the fridge. How do you cross a river full of alligators? Walk across the allligators are at the meeting.

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3 guys walks into a park. Which one was holding the beer? None, all 3 guys were elementary kids

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what did the nail say to the hammer? Hit me baby one more time

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dat shoe shine tho

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Baby Seal walks into a club.

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Why did the black man bleed to death? He was stabbed, but he bled to death because his doctor had just prescribed him some blood-thinners for his serious headaches.

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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