A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Why did the bird fall out of the sky, It hit one of the random green pipes.

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What is brown and lives in a toilet? A black homeless man

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Roses are red They can be white too Violets are not blue They are violet

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There once was a man from Peru Who dreamed he was eating his shoe He then shortly died in his sleep due to heart failure at the age of 81.

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Why did the student fail his test? He forget to study for it the night before.

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Why did the kid poop his pants? He was a baby

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Why did little Lynn fall of her bike? Because she has no legs.

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What did the blind man say to the fish store owner? I would, 1 fish please.

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Two cows are out in a field grazing. One falls over and dies because it was unhealthy and was ravaged with a deadly disease. The other cow, which does not understand death, continues to graze until the farmer moves it back to the barn.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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WHATS BROWN AND SMELLS LIKE CRAP!?!?!?!?!?!?!? crap

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What color is Michael Jackson? Pale because he's dead.

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What did the cancer patient say before they died? I am in so much pain. I love you all

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fhfhfjjil;tyjgfkileg ryj ftrgndfhuiltyjgn

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The Police. She told me she was nineteen.

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Why did the bird fall out of the sky? Someone shot it.

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I was raped oh no he's coming HELP ahhhhhhhhfkaek.k.k.k.k.k.k. vmruieao3 vxm v

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Why was the little boy sad? Because he just got paralized from the waist down and will never be able to walk again.

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There are 3 guys, a fat guy, a skinny guy, and sexy guy. They all work together and have lunch together. The fat guy opens his bag and eats a ham and turkey sandwich. The skinny guy opens his bag and eats a tuna sandwich. The sexy guy opens his bag and eats an egg sandwich. The fat guy finishes his meal. The skinny guy saves half for later. The sexy guy ate more than half of his food. A genie magically appears. The End

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color blind person solves a rubix cube just kidding thier color blind

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What do you do when your girlfriend is bleeding? She is probably on her period.

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Forget about them, do not compare yourself to those beneath you, you always wanted to help as many as possible, in a world where everyone fights for themselves only.

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Help me I need to know how to cook a human fetus by tomorrow does anyone know any good recipes?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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