A praying mantis is very graceful

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How do you make a clown stop laughing? Hit him in the face with an ax.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How many people does it take to paint an elementary school red? 27.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What do you call a mexican and a African? Two people with no water.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

It works on whoever I have an emotional attachment with, for example people might be thinking you and I write in the exact same style, but I am actually copying your way of typing (spelling, word composition etc) this because we relate on a deep emotional level with people that like "get us" because they can act and behave like us. This again doubles the effect of the hypnosis, since when I get "super high on trance" and you feel that way, well, we both reach into the same wavelength, literally. Scientists and hypnotists supposedly have no idea as to why this happens, but I know, it is because our brain patterns are so similar, that even though we are at a long distance, your body believes itself to be an extension of mine and the other way around. How do I know this? Yogurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? She didn't use enough sunscreen.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

what did the nail say to the hammer? Hit me baby one more time

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Josh, this is your mother. I was wondering if you wanted me to bring my lube and strapon to bed tonight. Wait never mind about the strapon because i have my dick to use.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Your momma's so stupid, she has a lower than average IQ!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

How many dead babies can you fit in a trunk? 37.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's the difference between a pair of slippers and a pair of dead babies? Essentially nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head walk into a bar. It is a coincidence that none of them have the same hair colour.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How do you stop a black kid from jumping around in your bedroom? Chuck him out of the house.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

roses are red , violets are blue, lick my dick , or lick my dick

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What did the doctor say to the other doctor? Hey bill

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Nero Octavios reporting, so far all of our sectors worldwide excluding Spain, Italy and Ground Zero are secure, Nero Augustus is severely wounded but will make it, and despite the our intel Necrissa Angelo is alive and well. We have one single worry though Nero7 the brunt force of the terror attack was large and powerful, yet resistance was incredibly light when we went for the counter-strike, too light, we might have to ready ourselves for some sort of reprisal here.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A man walks into a boar. The tusked beast accepts his apology.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Q. What's big, green, has four legs, fuzzy, and if fell out of a tree would kill you? A. A pool table

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I like to give help to people, expecting that they will be my slaves for life.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Q: What's green and has four wheels? A: A green car.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Why are babies like shake weights? Cause If you shake them long enough, they both end up being inanimate objects.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Man goes to doctor, says he's depressed. The world is bleak and hopeless and life just isn't worth living. The doctor thinks for a second then smiles. "Treatment is simple he says, the great clown Pagliacci is in town. Go see him, that should pick you up." The man bursts into tears, sobs hysterically like a child, "But doctor," he says. "I am Pagliacci."

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken is now getting flowers for her dead children that got hit buy multiple cars, also the chicken is a human mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Why did the plane crash? Chuck Norris was sitting in it, and thus his weight was countless times larger than the lift force of the plane.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops