how do you make a cat get out of a tree you shot it

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I don't have a girlfriend but I do know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because, it realized that it was worth something in life, it had a meaning, a purpose, and a right to freedom, to go where it pleased. The chicken's first act of this freedom was to go across the street.

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A guy walks into a doctor's office and says: "Doctor! Doctor! You gotta help me! One day I'm a teepee, and the next day I'm a wigwam, and then the next day I'm a teepee, and then the next day I'm a wigwam again. The doctor says: Sir, we've been over this 100 times! You have stage 4 pancreatic cancer...

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What does it take to make the best anti-joke ever? not this

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs laying at your doorstep? Matt.

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Dear Six, Please stop spreading rumors about me and nine. I hear you two also do some pretty nasty things. Love, Seven.

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Why did Hitler commit suicide? Because he was completely depressed and overwhelmed because of the fact that he had lost World War II.

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What did the toy cowboy say to the man? Nothing, toys can't talk.

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So I was flirting with a girl at a bar the other day when this huge black guy walks up and says "Hey honey". I realized that I still had some un-addressed prejudices in me as he shook my hand, pointed out that it was a mistake anyone could make, and introduced me to a girl he had met at the college he works at.

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What do you get when you cross an ugly hobo and a diabetic? Don't talk about your mom like that.

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Why did the washing machine laugh? Because it took the piss out of the knickers!!!!! :)

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My closet is like the wardrobe to Narnia, accept my closet isnt a portal into a magical world.

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What did the girl say before she jumped a bridge? "Do you think I can jump off this bridge?"

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Suck pussy

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Why did the woman go out of the kitchen? She did not because she had a curse put on by a man off the streets of Greek row a Yale that said u may never leave the closest kitchen near this very spot, and it turns out that the closest kitchen was in a frat house across the street so now she is stuck in the kitchen making sandwiches for all the frat bros at this Yale frat house, So basically she was in her place

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Q: What should you do when life gives you lemons? A: Life would never really give you lemons...

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How did the Mexican cross the border? He couldn't he didn't have legs

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whats worse than walking in to the doctors office and he says you got aids heaps of stuff can be worse but haha you got aids

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Why did Jim go to the hospital? To get an autopsy.

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why did the guy laugh at everything he was high

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Q: how do you get an clown off a unicycle A:You hit it with a police baton

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What's the difference between dead babies and the holocaust? A lot.

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What's better than winning a gold medal at the paralympics? Winning two gold medals.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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