Why did the blonde cross the road? To get to the Public University where she worked as a Ph.D associate professor of linguistics.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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Doctor, doctor, i feel like a pair of curtains. Well I'm going to refer you to a mental institute and forward this meeting to a specialist due to the schizophrenic attitude and belief you have. However, I will have to ask you to come back in tomorrow or later today for further tests as to why you feel this way. This is highly abnormal and should be fixed immediately. Another further concerns please contact me asap.

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First speaker: "why are there so many anti-jokes about something walking into a bar!?!? Second speaker: "there are only a couple thousand of them." First speaker: "it is getting so damn annoying!" Second speaker: "Well, that's too bad for you" The first speaker proceeds in stabbing himself with a knife while laughing hysterecly. First speaker: "ha ha ha ha" Second speaker "emo."

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You want to hear a joke? Republican

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Roses are red, violets are blue, take this medication, and call me if you have any symptoms of nausea or heartburn.

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What do u get when u lick chicken Answer- Your a retard if you did not figure it out it is obviously chicken taste DERP!

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What's black and blue and made of poo? A drowning black guy, holding some blue poop

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Why did the cop stop a black guy with a Rolls-Royce? Because he was speeding while on his phone and going through red traffic lights.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Ryan. Ryan who? Ryan Seacrest.

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The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!" Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the patient says, 'at least it shall be over quickly.'

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whats flat and useless? the walls of an abandoned house where land prices are increasing and properties are in high demand

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Your mom is so fat that her Body Mass Index is 30,?which is considered obese, she should really try to lose some weight.

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whats the difference between harry potter and a jew? harry potter can escape the chamber

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Why did the dog run away from home? Because the owner left the door open.

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Have you heats about the Guy who's parents died in à car crash... No He killen himself because of hus parents Deathstars

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Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? No? Well he graduated in four years with a degree in chemical engineering. He worked hard all four years in order to keep his scholarship to the university. Now he leads a very successful life and lives in a large house with his wife and two children.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says why the long face? The horse says my mom died from cancer

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A plane crashed in the rainforest. The survivors all buried themselves because no survival equipment was left and they all sought to kill themselves in their deep state of shock and fear.

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josh moran where your Bluetooth gone?

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How did 3 fat women fit under 1 small umbrella and not get wet? It wasn't raining!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Put down your barbie. Get in the car.

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A priest a rapist and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink

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What's worse than having a gay friend? 9/11.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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