What is black, white, and red all over? A penguin that someone shot with red paintballs.

What shoes keep dogs quiet? Hush puppies.

Why was the girl crying? She prolapsed.

What happened when Suzy fell off the swing? She hurt herself.

why are you reading these jokes? i have nothing else to do. ok

Why did Rebecca Black die? She killed herself due to the cruelty of many people

Knock Knock Who's There Mailman Mailman who? Sir, I don't have time for this, take your mail.

what did the oven say to the firdge you hot baby

Roses are white, Violets are white, holy shit i can see the light.

What is red and smells like brown feces? Bloody feces

what do you get with a bulldog and a shi-tzhu 2 dogs.

A man came home from work and said to his wife im going to kill u

A blonde, brunette, and redhead live in the same neighborhood. They are Desperate Housewives

A horse goes to the mall and when he is in the checkout line there is a man at the cash register the man at the cash register says "Why the long face?" and the horse replies "hey buddy, watch it!!!!!!!"

Why did the most interesting man in the world refuse to eat his buttered toast? It just so happens that the cook accidentally used stale bread, causing it to taste unsatisfactory.

What did the baby say to the man? Babies can't talk ,the baby did not say anythingto the man!

A man went back in time and warned nobody about anything and pretended to be from the time he choose to go to and lived a happy life eventually finding a wife. He later found out he had a baby on the way, he named it after his great grandfather who was a war hero. He later found out that many years later his son had a son and they named it after his grandpa. He went to the hospital where he died just as his grandson had a baby and they named it after his father. The man died. End.

What did Osama Bin Laden say to Hitler? Nothing, because they clearly never made contact with each other, owing to the fact that Osama was born approximately 13 years after Hitler had committed suicide

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, water and sand are incapable of speech. Unless of course you are Harry Potter in which case you can cast a spell on them and turn them into a cat which still couldn't talk and them from there you could wait for them to evolve which doesn't actually exist so you would have to ask God and then you would wait for a few years than they could say hi.

What do you get if you cross if you cross an overweight woman with a pair of very tight trousers? Exactly that, an overweight woman in inappropriately tight torusers.

Why couldn't my grandpa use a cell phone? He didn't have hands.

What did the chicken say to the butcher? Moo.

there is nothing better than waking up to realise that your being hugged by your partner unless that partner is not home

So a Jew is walking on the street and he sees a penny, and he decides to pick it up because ever since the fire that killed his family and burned his house down he has been living on the street and he needs all the help he can get.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...