whats long, fat, and people love it in their mouth? blunts.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline. YO YO YO I F U C K YOU ALL!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the milk bottle say to the other milk bottle? Nothing. Bottles can't talk you silly goose.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was the little Asian boy crying at the county fair? He had just watched his entire family get brutally crushed beneath the weight of the old ferris wheel as they went to get on. Never would he forget the painful screams of his mother as her blood splashed onto his white t-shirt. Never would he forget the police car ride to the foster home when it all sank in that they were truly gone. And never would he forget the abuse his new parents would inflict on him daily. But what would forever torment him most were those screams. Those persistent screams that woke him in the night until the day he died many, many years later.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

You can't choose your family, so choose someone else's.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A wonderful dairy product that i can not have due to the fact that i do not own it.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is the street value of Amy Winehouse's ashes? Nothing. They are ashes, not drugs.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run away too if someone left the gate open and you happened to be a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

So a man walks into a bar. Unfortunately, he had brittle bone disease, cracked open his skull and bled to death on the pavement.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Roses are niggas Violets are niggas I'm lil Wayne niggas rhymes with niggas

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's the difference between epistemological pluralism.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

"Ask me if I'm a tree!" "Are you a tree?" "No."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Try not to laugh at this joke... Knock knock Who's there? Ha ha ha Ha ha ha who? I told you not to laugh

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How does a cancer patient bathe? He can't because he lives in an arid climate where water is scarce.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you stop a black person from drowning?.. Take your foot off his head

thumb_up thumb_down +5

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. But everything turned out alright, as the fly was dissolved by stomach acid.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If little jimmy has five candy bars and he eats three, what does little jimmy have? Diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why is the spine-tailed swift the fastest bird? because its faster than the second fastest bird.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

if john has 400 cookies and eats 300 what does he have left? diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do u kill a gay man? Shoot him in the head

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what do you call a black guy with a bachelor's degree? by his first name, "Carl".

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Two men walk into a bar and begin ordering drinks. Both men engage in polite conversation with each other. At the end of the night they each take taxi's home because they realize the potential risk they pose to others if they drive intoxicated.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Ok class, we are doing arts and crafts today, but remember, have fun and be creative... Thats what she said

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops