What's so similar about a zombie and a black man? They are both almost human.

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What did one pig say to the other pig while sitting in the bathtub? No thanks I already have a typewriter.

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Your mommas so stupid she decided to go to night school to better her self. She got a degree in business and finance and is now a manager for HSBC

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What does it take to shit in a shower?? To choke on a whambar and be 90 kgs!

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Why did the man apologize to the other man, after he had hit him with an axe? He didn't. The man was dead.

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Roses are red,violets are blue, i love the colour red and green but its a pitty because im not so keen.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I am a dog.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

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What did Larry do when little Billys baseball crashed through his window? He raped and murdered little Billy for Larry has raped and murdered many children.

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Did you know there was a black man in my family tree? He married my aunt.

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What did the two homosexual dolphins do when nobody was around? They continued on their way because neither of them had met.

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In an effort to bond, the American president and North Korean Supreme Leader place a bet on a football game. If the President was correct, the Supreme Leader would have to buy them a drink, and vice versa. The game is close but in the end the President's bet wins. He asks for the drink, but the Supreme Leader refuses. An argument breaks out, and lasts for several hours. Eventually the Supreme Leader becomes too infuriated, and leaves. So the next day, North Korea declares war on America and launches nuclear missiles towards them, millions of lives are lost, and the world descends into anarchy.

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Knock knock "Honey, could you get the door?" "I'm tired of doing everything here! Get you ass up and do it yourself!" "Well why don't you just go back to bar you whore?" "This marriage was a mistake, I'm going back to mother!" They divorced 5 months later.

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why didn't Lebron James give me a fourth quarter?...he forgot his wallet at home and didn't have any spare change.

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A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

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Roses are grey. Violets are grey. There is an entire spectrum of the world I am not privy to.

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What's worse than eating a baby? Eating two babies filled with maggots.

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What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin sons? Nothing, his wife had an abortion.

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Why couldn't the boy in the wheelchair sue the man making fun of him? Because he couldn't get up the stairs to court.

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Q: Why did the man eat the banana? A: Cuz he was hungry!

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they're extinct.

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A Catholic, a Protestant, and a Jew are stranded in the middle of the ocean on a raft. They all die of dysentery.

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This one time at Concentration camp.... My friends all died cause they were chosem in the Selection

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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