I got stopped for speeding the other day. The policeman said I had to pay a £50 fine. I was gutted. However, later that night I had amazing sex with my wife, which helped me to take my mind off things a bit.

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A Christian and an Atheist are in a bar, the Christian turns to the Atheist and says "If you don't believe in god you will go to hell." The Atheist replies "Your Mom doesn't believe in god." And then turns around to order another drink.

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Why was the Mexican man in the rich man's garden? Because he enjoys flowers.

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What did Rebecka black say on Thursday? Today is thursday.

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What did the lampshade say to the other lampshade? Nothing they sat in silence

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How can you finally get your girlfriend to scream in the bedroom? Store the bodies there.

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How do you get your lawyer to shut up. Hit him with a bat.

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why did the chicken cross the road? it wanted to why did the bubble gum cross the road? it was on the chickens foot

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Q. Whats red and smells like blue paint? A. Wheres my tractor?

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Why can't Scrillex fish? Because He is too busy to practice fishing.

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Why are there so many smiths in the phonebook? Because they all have phones.

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Why did the boy break his leg? Because he fell off a building

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5 blondes walk into a bar They all leave very intoxicated and die in a car accident shortly after.

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whats worse than finding a joke in a cracker? finding an anti joke in a cracker.

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Why did the man lose the a race? 'Cause he has no legs

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What did I say to the joke? What? Correct.

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Why did the chinese doctor get fired? Because he was involved in a malpractice suit.

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why did the computer monitor stop working? Becasue it has a date with a slice of cheese.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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What's the most confusing day in Mexico? Father's Day.

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A black man walks into a bank with a gun and askes where the safe is then procedes to shoots 3 white men inside of it. Everyone thanks him for stopping the armed bank robbers and he lives out the rest of his life in happiness for he is a hardworking cop and risks his life to save others.

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how do you make a plumber sad? Kill his family

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I am not physically scarred, rather mentally, lets just say my childhood was a lot less than pleasant, I got no idea where you got that "Nero lost an arm" thing, I got both arms working. But I guess I often feel alone because only I can feel, see and experience the pain of the scars a terrible childhood has left me with. You are right though, it is easy to give up saying that humanity is not ready or worthy, making me feel as Dr.Doom or something alike, hidden behind some suit of armor still ashamed for things I know that I am not, but that still burn deep within my mind. PTSD buddy, it does not matter if I logically believe that I am competent or not, when my past is engraved, etched into my soul, constantly telling me I am not, so helping others is actually pretty easy, yet saving myself, I do not know how anymore, it is easy to change the minds of those that have not been broken time after time physically and mentally by those which they love the most. I will heal, your words are inspiring, thank you.

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Think of a number 1-10 Now add 39 Divide that by 20 Subtract two Now close your eyes.. Dark isn't it?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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