Roses are red, Violets are blue, come at me again and I'll punch you

Whats brown and sticky? - A brown stick.

A blonde was very smart, and nobody made fun of her when she sometimes made small mistakes like every other person regardless of hair color.

What do you do when your baby won't stop crying. Slit its throat

How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Ten. One to actually screw it in, and nine to stand around and say, "I can do it better."

Why did Romney loose the election? Because Obama had more votes

hey guess what? what ur gay! how did you know ive been in the closet for 5 years!?

What is green and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

Roses are red Violets are red Grass is red OMFG MY LAWN IS ON FIRE !!!?

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

how did the fat man get up the stairs he walked

Why did the man pee his pants? Because he was paralyzed from the waist down and had no way of feeling

how many licks does it take to get to the center of lollipop? unknown.

Q: What do you call Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. A: two things: Their names, and a doctor because they are both in need of a nutritionist.

Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

A blond is on her way driving to the airport when she sees the sign "Airport left." She made a left turn and got to her flight on time.

What one thing do the five members of Mystery Inc have in common? They were all raped and killed by REAL MONSTERS! One of the monsters happened to be Chuck Norris. He's a BEAST!

Why did the muslim cross the road? To blow up a train

THAT'S RIGHT, BEST INVISIBLE PAINT I EVER BOUGHT. LOOK WHAT A GREAT JOB IT DID ON THIS PAGE YEAH! I RECKON IT IS THE BEST INVISIBLE PAINT I EVER DIDN'T SEE

How do you kill a cripple? You bite its fucking face off

my grandpa told me "dont let fear rule your life" 2 hours later he got hit by a train.

Why did billy fall off his bike? Because billy was a loaf of bread.

A man walks into a bar. He hits his head and dies.

Roses are grey Violettes are grey I am colour blind And I suck at rhymes

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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