I wondered why the piano was getting bigger. Then it hit me... I'm sorry I have visual agnosia

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Here's a riddle: What can you catch, but not throw? A really heavy ball, or STDs.

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Whats red and hurts your teeth? A brick

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What did the man think as the foul baseball flew rapidly toward his face? Oh man, I thought my tickets were to an NBA game.

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A man wakes up after only one hour of sleep due to his insomnia. He starts to cry because his wife just passed away and his parents were recently killed in a car accident. The man gathers his composure, takes a shower, and drives to his minimum wage job. He was expelled from high school for an assault he didnt even commit and has no money to get an education. At work, he accidentally drops a box of valuable, fragile electronic parts and gets fired by his boss. He goes home to his dirty 1 bedroom apartment and contemplates suicide. He decides to wait as his favorite tv show is on. He turns on the tv to the news his show has been cancelled. The man, depressed, suicidal and alone, picks up his .22 and kills himself. There is no God.

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whats long hard and full of seamen? a submarine.

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Evil Witch: Hey Snow White, want an apple. Snow White: No thank you, I just ate, I'm good. Evil Witch: But its good! Snow White: No thanks, I'm good! Evil Witch: Ill put caramel on it!! Snow White: NO THANKS! Evil Witch: FINE!! The Evil Witch then pulled out an AK - 47 and violently murdered Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

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Why did the black guy get a boner? The nitric oxide levels in his trabecular arteries and smooth muscle of his penis rose, causing his arteries to dilate and therefore enlarging his penis.

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Question: What is worse then a worm in your apple? Answer: A number of different things I would imagine...

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2 men walk into a bar, the 3rd man ducks and ask them if they're ok

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Whats the difference between a Jew and a Pig? One makes bacon when smoked.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because he wanted to!

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.

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Why was the man dress in a suit ? He had a job

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Why did little Tommy eat an apple? Because he was on a diet

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? That is not nearly as important as how to cure cancer so let's not worry about it.

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What do you call a group of black people in a lamboghini..... Unlikely

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Q: Why were there four married men in one room without their pants on? A: because it was the mens bathroom.

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jeanna:fu** jack:did u just say fu** jeanna:jew? jack:fu** u jew

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Why did the muffin not eat the other muffin. Because muffins do not have a digestive system.

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what is purple and smells like poop? very weird looking poop

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Roses are black. Violets are black. Black people are black, And you're a douche.

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why was 6 afraid of 9? because 7 ate 9 and 6 is afraid of ghosts

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops