My grandma told me to always keep my head up and just keep going. She fell down a manhole last week and died.

I ounce had a parrot it talked buy never said im hungry so it died

What's the most confusing day in Mexico? Father's Day.

This is not a joke, I'm just bored (or am I?)

So there is the standard english class with groups of different people. You got the nerds, lads, violent ones etc. Now the kids are doing a standard pop quiz. The nerd is next to the violent kid. The violent kid asks the teacher if he can go to the toilet. Everyone is nervous as it was based from last year's work which they haven't studied for. He then stabs the nerd in the neck multiple times and finishes his test.

Male orgasm (haha bitches we've been faking it)

How can you finally get your girlfriend to scream in the bedroom? Store the bodies there.

Q-Why did the little boy feel hot? A-Because he faceplanted into a bonfire.

What do you call a black guy that flies a plane? a pilot.

How do you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg? You can't take pictures with wooden legs.

Why did Sally fall off the swings? She has no arms. Knock knock Whose there? Not Sally, she has no arms

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks him "why the long face?" "All horses have long faces" he replied.

What's the difference between a bowling ball and a sorority girl? You could always eat the bowling ball if you really had to.

What did the cat say to the dog? Miaow. What did the dog say to the cat? Miaow.

what has fore legs and cant fly a cat you idiot

That awkward moment when a sentence doesn't end the way you thought it gay unicorn

What did the black guy do in the hood? walked down the street, bought the paper and watched Letterman.

Why is a dog smarter than a human? Because you an asshole if you believe me

Q: Why did the black man drown? A: Because he couldn't swim.

I got stopped for speeding the other day. The policeman said I had to pay a £50 fine. I was gutted. However, later that night I had amazing sex with my wife, which helped me to take my mind off things a bit.

Why did the elephant cross the road? To run away from the angry chicken who was mad that he was slacking off work.

What do you call an animal killed on the side of the road? A false accusation towards an inanimate object that has no other purpose then providing a safe and smooth ride for drives all around the world.

What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

What did the bank clerk say to the robber when he demanded all the money in the drawer? "Okay."

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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