A man and his friend go hunting,one falls in a hole and appears dead. The friend calls 911 and asks what to do, the operator says ok first we need to make sure he's dead. The friend checks his pulse and finds out he is living, then an ambulance is sent and the hunter lives with minor injuries.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a jew in an oven? A safety hazard

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was trying to commit suicide through vehicular manslaughter and knew that the average human being would not be able to stop before it was too late.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the Dildo say to the banana? Nothing, unless you're high on acid.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: How do you make Osama Bin Ladin happy? A: Take him out to a nice seafood dinner free of charge.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why didn't bob like night clubs? He was epileptic

thumb_up thumb_down +6

2 wales are at the bar one looks at the other and dose a wale call for 5 long minutes and the other one reply's "dude your drunk we got to go"

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Hello

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock. Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Are you mentally handicapped? Bananas are fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did Steve Jobs die? Because he had cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? A: The pizza does not scream in the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Jesse uses a prescription shampoo called " greasey poop" because he feels like his hair doesnt look greasy enough. He cries himself asleep every night because he wants a slim body like the rest of the cool kids, so he eats his pain away, which digs him an even deeper hole. the life of Jesse zigenbein is quite tragic to say the least. Please donate 10$ to the "eat ourselves to sleep" campaign

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's funny and old? I really do'nt know

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but he may forget to finish the task due to his Alzheimer's.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the woman get into a car accident? She was blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you call a black man with a peg leg? Disabled

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why can't Timmy go on any rollercoasters? Because he's morbidly obese and it would a safety hazard.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar. The rabbi says "ow my head"

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's stupid a light bulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Tony Romo

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops