if you fall, I'll be there. -floor

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What's the difference between a microwave and hamster? They're both furry except for the microwave

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What is green and smells like paint? Grass, it doesnt smell like paint, I lied.

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I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat, because she is anorexic.

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How was my day, you ask? First of all, I don't own a day. And second of all, it hasn't ended.

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Why did the chicken cross the road ( The chicken says) I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without having morals questioned.

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A duck, a goose, a turkey and a bald eagle were all flying together. All four of them were shot and killed by drunk hunters with machine guns. The hunters were promptly arrested by police authorities for shooting their national symbol. They were found guilty, and the other three birds were cooked for their last meals.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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Why couldn't the black man get out of jail? He couldn't post his bond.

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Wooooah! Thats literally the sound I made, anyway, can you like type the entire story in one setting, I feel weird, did you just try to hypnotize me? Anyway, are you trying to, woah, I am like high now...

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How are baseball and basketball the same. They aren't football.

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Why did the fat guy pick up a noodle from the floor with his buttcheeks? He felt like pasta.

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What's the difference between being hungry and being horny? Where you put the cucumber

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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? You aren't married to a girlfriend.

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A horse walks into a bar and Shits John Taffer is Pissed

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WILLYS

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A worm in your intestinal tract.

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what do you call an animal thats black and white and red all over? an elephant

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Did you know that every 60 seconds in Africa a minute passes

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What's cold, tired, wet, and starving? A girl up at 4:00 am that just came out of a cold shower.

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How do you get 100 Jews into a Volkswagon? You don't. It's impossible to fit that many people into a car that small.

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i hate non minorities!

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roses are red, violets are blue, if ruddell was black, he would smell of poo.

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Why can't black people swim? Because there are sharks in the lake.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops